If you used to jack off to Natalie Portman’s boobies ‘coz the thought of those supple perky breasts turn you on, then mark today as the death of your boner to that image because Natalie is not only engaged but pregnant! It’s an abomination! Via People:
“Natalie Portman and choreographer Benjamin Millepied are engaged and expecting their first child, her reps confirm to PEOPLE exclusively.
The couple met during the production of Black Swan. Portman’s performance in the film has earned her nominations for a Golden Globe and Screen Actors Guild Award.”
On second thoughts, lactating titties aren’t so bad after all. Think about it. So here’s to a start of a new fetish for us fellas! Good things to come!
When Lindsay Lohan isn’t secretly carpet munching someone in rehab, she’s partying and getting secretly drunk and assaulting people. Noooo way??? Lindsay would never do that! And now the popos are sniffing on Lindsay Lohan’s ass trying to solve the mystery of the Lohan assault. Ya know, for formality’s sake. Via TMZ:
“Lohan is a suspect in a criminal battery investigation and the alleged victim — a staff member at Betty Ford — wants Lindsay prosecuted … this according to law enforcement sources. The Palm Desert Police Department is now investigating an altercation that occurred after Lindsay and her roommates reportedly went to a bar and came back home. Upon arriving at the house, the incident with a female staffer from Betty Ford allegedly went down. The police received a call at 1:03 AM on December 12 for “hand-to-hand battery.”
You know what, if I was Lindsay I’d totally milk money out of this publicity. I’d have cameras follow me around and do a reality show. ‘Coz seriously, Firecrotch Lohan creates more drama than any soap opera ever made. She could just be herself being a famewhore and every day is another dolla!
Well…well…well…have you heard of this? Some nosy bitches are saying that there’s a Demi Lovato sextape waiting to be unleashed but since it hasn’t crossed our retinas yet, Pornhub is jumpin in on the action and is now offering Demi a heaping sum of money to star in a porn film. They even sound considerate enough to let her choose her own genre. I don’t see why she’d turn down this lucrative and flexible offer. Via TMZ:
“TMZ has obtained a letter from the folks at Pornhub.com, offering Demi chance to be featured on their site. The company is obviously excited (no pun intended) at the idea of a Demi sex tape — even though her people say the rumors are “disgusting.”
Pornhub is offering Demi $100,000 for the tape — even offering her the caveat that, “You don’t have to star with male talent, we are willing to accept a solo or Girl-Girl scene just as long as it’s shot in HD.”
Based on Demi’s history, I think she would fit better in the s&m category, since she has skills in popping a snitch in the face. It’s a good idea to release all that hate and anger inside her into this porn flick. Better than rehab i say!
We all remember Chloe Sevigny’s blowjob scene from the Brown Bunny right? Well apparently, bitch’s head got messed up and hasn’t recovered ever since. In Playboy’s 20 Questions, Chloe told the mad that she thinks she needs to see a shrink for allowing Vincent Gallo to stick his diseased peen in her mouth. Via Gawker:
“What’s happened with that is all very complicated. There are a lot of emotions. I’ll probably have to go to therapy at some point. But I love Vincent. The film is tragic and beautiful, and I’m proud of it and my performance. I’m sad that people think one way of the movie, but what can you do?”
Goodness…I think we all need to go to therapy for that scene. She must’ve used a cheese grater to clean her tongue with Gallo’s mangy dick. AND, she fuckin’ swallowed. Any bitch who digested that dude’s goop would need therapy.
Remember that chick who popped a snitch’s face? Yeah, that Disney chick who’s currently marinating her ass in rehab. This Demi Lovato slut just got racey pics of her leaked in Twitter and it shows her in some softcore lesbian shit! Holy Shiznit! These pics are speaking directly to my weiner!
It seems like she’s gotten ahold of The Kim Kardashian handbook to famewhoring and bitch is doing it right! Here’s the rest of Demi Lovato’s tits getting eye fucked and licked by these lesbian chicks. Now I know why Joe Jonas quit her ass.
In other Lindsay Lohan news, who would’ve known Lindsay Lohan’s ass is still stalker-material. Reports are saying she’s getting harassed by a still unknown person, raping her cellphone with his unanswered calls and feeling like he’s Edward and she’s Bella, watching her every step. Via TMZ:
“Sources familiar with the situation tell TMZ Lindsay has been receiving harassing phone calls and text messages from unknown numbers — and the unidentified person behind them has been making disparaging statements about her recovery … and her family. Even scarier, the unknown person is saying he/she knows where Lindsay is staying and is watching her.
Okay, can someone check Michael Lohan in the men’s room. I think I heard him in the cubicle with a muffled voice, singing “Every break you take” to someone over the phone. I swear this family is making their own reality show using the paparazzi’s cameras and we don’t even know it. It’s called being practical bitches.
Former childstar Melissa Gibert is weighing in on the Miley Cyrus bong tape and the now grown-up star is saying Miley is nothing but a hillbilly attention whore who’s got daddy issues. Well,not exactly…but that’s what it sounded like! Via PopEater:
“How high do you have to be to let a friend film you? I think she wanted to get caught.” The former star of ‘Little House on the Prairie’ and spokeswoman for The Partnership at DrugFree.org thinks Cyrus is being too reckless after smoking salvia … or whatever it was that got her so loopy that night. “That’s bulls***!” Gilbert said. “I think it was marijuana.”
You know, honestly, I think we’ve already established that Miley Cyrus ass is an attention whore way back when she leaked her own semi-naked pics? Besides, who the heck cares if she did it to get caught. It’s Miley Fuckin’ Cyrus. The bitch can practically do anything and Billy Ray Cyrus would just look the other way.
If you’re a nosy fucker like me who likes following celebrity divorces and want to be in the know on the hot vulnerable Hollywood bombshells in need of a rebound fuck, then here’s an update on Eva Longoria’s separation from douchebag Tony Parker. Reports are saying that Tony was jealous of Mario Lopez, of all people, and that put a strain on their marriage as wekk as the fact that he banged 7 other whore son the side. Via National Enquirer:
“Eva thought she’d found the perfect man in Tony, but in the end he deceived her, lied to her and broke her heart,” a close source told The Enquirer. Tony was also rumored to be secretly seeing another women in France besides Alexandra Paressant. Despite his cheating, Tony was extremely jealous of Eva’s close friendship with Mario Lopez, insiders say. “Tony never liked or trusted Mario,” said a source. “He called him ‘the pretty boy actor who’s mad that he can’t have my wife.’
I call bullshit on this one. Everyone knows Mario Lopez is as straight as the Tom Cruise’s crystal dildo so what the fuck dude? If you’re tired of humping on Eva Longoria’s punani everyday then just say so. But don’t go telling buddies that you’re jealous a gay dude might bang your wife. So grow some fuckin’ balls, and pardon my french!
Tik Tok! All it took was a few days after rumors about Ke$ha’s sex pics came out before somebody proved it right! Not that you’re weiners are initially drooling over her but celebrity sex scandal is strangely one of the best turn-ons in life–not counting the Verne Troyer one ofcourse!
Seen here is Ke$ha nibling on the lip of some dude while snuggling in bed, and the other one is her shaved vagina getting some TLC. It’s not bad actually. I’m surprised that despite that she looks like a homeless person who prolly doesn’t even wash her punani, it’s still wanking material for me.
Guess what? Scarlett Johansson’s ass is back in the market fellas! Not sure if it’s because of a third party but if it had been, I would like to imagine it’s because of me. Are you kidding me? I’ve fantasized this chick more than anyone in Hollywhore! Yep, even more than Jessica Alba! Nobody brings the tits like she does! Via Superficial:
“The source explains that Iron Man 2 star Johansson initiated the split. At issue? “The big problem with their relationship is the distance,” says the source. “They spent a lot of time apart when they are working…She’s been unhappy for a while.”
…and John Mayer creeping infront of Scarlett Johansson’s balcony serenading his way into her panties in 3…2…1…