Pee Wee Herman finally crawled out of a theater to talk about his 1991 arrest where popos put his over-sexed hands in cuffs after allegedly masturbating in an adult theater. In the recent issue of Playboy, Pee Wee, other known as Paul Reubens in real life or when he doesn’t want to look like a child-touching papaw, told Playboy that he would’ve won the case had the judge only knew the the difference from left and right. He told Playboy, “Had we gone to trial, we had ready an expert from the Masters and Johnson Institute who was going to testify that in 30 years of research on masturbation the institute had never found one person who masturbated with his or her non-dominant hand,” and went on to say that he was right-handed but the police said he was beating the meat with his left-hand, a solid proof that it couldn’t have been him.
Whatever! I’ve been doing the 5 knuckle shuffle with both my right and left hand since I learned how to ride a bike. How else can you surf and spank at the same time? Am I right? High five!