Lindsay Lohan’s nipples assaulted someone
Date Posted: December 22, 2010 - 10:03 pm by: Paris

When Lindsay Lohan isn’t secretly carpet munching someone in rehab, she’s partying and getting secretly drunk and assaulting people. Noooo way??? Lindsay would never do that! And now the popos are sniffing on Lindsay Lohan’s ass trying to solve the mystery of the Lohan assault. Ya know, for formality’s sake. Via TMZ:

“Lohan is a suspect in a criminal battery investigation and the alleged victim — a staff member at Betty Ford — wants Lindsay prosecuted … this according to law enforcement sources. The Palm Desert Police Department is now investigating an altercation that occurred after Lindsay and her roommates reportedly went to a bar and came back home. Upon arriving at the house, the incident with a female staffer from Betty Ford allegedly went down. The police received a call at 1:03 AM on December 12 for “hand-to-hand battery.”

You know what, if I was Lindsay I’d totally milk money out of this publicity. I’d have cameras follow me around and do a reality show. ‘Coz seriously, Firecrotch Lohan creates more drama than any soap opera ever made. She could just be herself being a famewhore  and every day is another dolla!

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