If your name is Jennifer Aniston, prepare to lube up your vajayjay ‘coz I figured this latest news the bitches over at Star Magazine is saying about Angelina Jolie’s leaked photos and disturbing past that according to them will for sure wreck the Brangelina tandem would be some pretty orgasmic material for you.

ContactMusic reports:

Racy decade-old photos of ANGELINA JOLIE posing semi-nude and in bondage gear have been released by an American tabloid.

Eight raunchy snaps, allegedly taken in 1999 by a friend, have been published in Star magazine. The actress is pictured with black tape over her nipples and a dog leash around her neck in some of the images.
Star’s sources allege the photos were taken during a 14-hour drug binge.

Jolie, 35, has admitted to using drugs in the past, before settling down and starting a family with partner Brad Pitt. She has also alluded to a “dark” past, telling USA today in a recent interview, “There’s certainly a side of me that isn’t completely… sane. Or completely ‘even’ all the time. We all have our dark sides.”

I find it shocking that Star Magazine finds this shocking. The whole world already knows her wild ways back then so I don’t know what the fuss is all about. Wake me up when someone gets a hold of Brad’s castration pictures, or when leaked photos of Angelina boinking his ass with a strap-on dildo surface. That’s even more news-worthy.

Attention to all Angelina Jolie fans out there! Line your asses up for the upcoming Comic-Con because Angelina J is taking a break from looking at babies to adopt catalogs to go to the said event.

Via The Hollywood Reporter:

Jolie is one of the very few actresses who opens action movies, and her latest, “Salt,” opens the Friday during the Con, which runs from Wednesday, July 21, to Sunday, July 25.
Columbia, which is releasing “Salt,” will be showing off its wares on Thursday and Friday, and “Salt” is being staged after the “Battle: Los Angeles” presentation Thursday.
Jolie will be on that stage.

The actress’ appearance has been speculated ever since it was known that the studio would make “Salt” part of their Hall H presentation. But the actress has been everywhere promoting the movie, and there’s no reason why she shouldn’t show up there to make one powerful impression on the people who eat action movies up.

Well it’s about time Angelina Jolie makes a comeback. My eyes are so washed out from seeing fake celeb sluts like Heidi Montag and those fugly bitches from Jersey Shore.

Everybody’s talking about Angelina Jolie’s thigh tattoo and the bitch won’t say nothing more than the tat is actually for Brad.

Stuff.co.nz reports:

The Salt actress – who raises six children with her partner of five years – already has an array of body art and has now added a heart on her inner thigh to show her love for the Hollywood heartthrob.
When asked about the inking, Angelina replied: “Um, it’s for Brad.”
Although she refused to give any more information on the design, she admitted it probably won’t be long before she does, admitting to MTV: “I’m bad at hiding secrets.”

Update:

Readers over at Jezebel has come up with their own genius theories that would send Dan Brown a run for his money and here’s one of them claiming the code has just been cracked.

Via Jezebel:

I think it reads Whiskey Bravo.
My logic:
She says : “Um, it’s for Brad.”
Brad’s real name is William Bradley Pitt.
According to the alphabet the military use: William Bradley = Whiskey Bravo

Hmmm I’m squinting my eyes here and I’m seeing whiskey boner! Wait wait…no it’s whiskey beard! Probably Angelina Jolie’s desperate final attempt to force Brad to shave off his hideous billy goat beard. Cmon, I mean you got to admit it could be, right?

There had been talks about Twilight star Kristen Stewart replacing Angelina Jolie in the upcoming sequel of the 2008 action movie, Wanted, starring James McAvoy.

I just wonder how the creators of the flick would bring Angie’s character back to life, when, she shot herself in the head at the end of the movie. Well, they made the swerving bullet possible, sure they can make a dead character come back.

No, this news isn’t from a tabloid. Instead, this juicy and shocking rumor came from a book called Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie: The True Story by author Jenny Paul. Jenny Who? Yeah, my question exactly.

Well anyway, according to the tell-all book, Angelina Jolie had an affair with Mick Jagger around the time she appeared on the Rolling Stones music video Anybody Seen My Baby in 1997. And not only that, the two reportedly rekindled their affair in 2003 as they were seen together in his room in a hotel in Thailand. And of course, Jagger was married at that time to Jerry Hall, and Angie was married to Johnny Lee Miller. Not that it’s shocking that Angie would hook up with a married man.

The book also reveals that Angie had affairs with Ralph Fiennes, ex-husband Miller, and Colin Farrell around the time she met Brad Pitt.

So basically, Angelina Jolie is a slut. That’s what this book is all about. Well, that’s basically it.

Angelina Jolie has been known not as a saint, but pretty much as a homewrecker. Well, let’s just remember her relationship with Billy Bob Thorton. And years later, while filming Mr. and Mrs. Smith, rumors began that Angie was stealing Brad Pitt away from Jennifer Aniston. The two, of course, denied it, but we all know how that turned out.

Now, reportedly Vanessa Paradis, Johnny Depp’s long time girlfriend, is pretty scared that Angie will do the same to Mr. Depp. Well, her fears are understandable given Angie’s homewrecking ways. I don’t mean to add to the horror, but, Vanessa sure check on her man a little more now that the filming of The Tourist has began.

Angelina Jolie attempts to shift everyone’s attention from all the break-up rumors to this: her scary, tentacled neck. Some say it’s just photoshop, others say botox. I say it’s from some tedious exercise that Angie does that involves her mouth and Brad Pitt’s peen.

So Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt realized their attendance at the Directors’ Guild Awards isn’t enough to dismiss the break-up rumors, that’s why they went to watch the Super Bowl together with their son Maddox. And they appeared to be very happy and touchy together, they even shared a kiss. A kiss, which translates, “suck it, you rumor makers.”

Meanwhile, while the couple enjoy their precious time watching football, their attorneys sue the News of the World for reporting about their break-up. Now, I don’t know why they even have to care about that tabloid if the rumor wasn’t true. I guess they just don’t know where to spend their money anymore.

Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt debunked the recent break-up rumors by showing up together at last night’s Directors Guild Awards in LA. Brad Pitt presented and introduced his Inglourious Basterds director Quentin Tarantino, who was seen talking with Angelina after the awards.

Brangelina was acting affectionate all throughout the show. Witness say that the couple “looked very giggly. They look like they are having a fun time. It’s definitely a date.”

Now, let’s just wait for the tabloids’ take on this. Bet they’d have some juicy details saying the couple just made up or all was just a show.

UK’s tabloid News of the World reported that Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt has already signed papers for legal separation and custody of their six children. However, sources close to the hottest couple in Hollywood denies this, saying that “Everything is fine.” The couple has yet to confirm or deny anything, which they never did actually, despite the number of rumors circulating that they have broken up already.

I wonder what would these tabloids get if ever these two really break-up? If you ask me, all I want to get is Ms. Jolie, but I doubt Mr. Pitt is ever going to let go of her.