Because he was too busy being a big douche, John Mayer lost his celphone. You all know what that means fellas. There may be pics of Jennifer Aniston naked or Jessica Simpson’s chubby punani or more freaky shit waiting to be leaked! Via National Enquirer:
Revealed a close friend: “He told me his cell contains personal photos — and videos — of some of the famous women he’s dated.” Shuddered My Spy: “John’s just frantic over the missing phone. He hopes it’s lying on the bottom of the Hudson River!”
Given the history of John Mayer’s wandering penis, I’m not even gonna be surprised if they find pictures of my 55-year old Latin neighbor Consuelo all naked and shit. But seriously, who do we need to buy a beer for to get those damn naked pics???
John Mayer’s tacklessness is at it again. And this time, he talked to Playboy about everything under the sun including how good Jessica Simpson was in bed.
PLAYBOY: In 2006 you began dating Jessica Simpson, and the paparazzi started stalking you, turning you into a tabloid fixture. Certainly you knew that was going to happen.
MAYER: It wasn’t as direct as me saying “I now make the choice to bring the paparazzi into my life.” I really said, “I now make the choice to sleep with Jessica Simpson.” That was stronger than my desire to stay out of the paparazzi’s eye. That girl, for me, is a drug. And drugs aren’t good for you if you do lots of them. Yeah, that girl is like crack cocaine to me.
PLAYBOY: You were addicted to Jessica Simpson?
MAYER: Sexually it was crazy. That’s all I’ll say. It was like napalm, sexual napalm.
PLAYBOY: But before you dated her you thought of yourself as the kind of guy who would never date Jessica Simpson.
MAYER: That’s correct. There are people in the world who have the power to change our values. Have you ever been with a girl who made you want to quit the rest of your life? Did you ever say, “I want to quit my life and just fuckin’ snort you? If you charged me $10,000 to fuck you, I would start selling all my shit just to keep fucking you.”
Out of all John Mayer’s word vomits, this particular conversation about Jessica was the only useful piece he has ever said. I mean, we all know Jessica used to be hot with her big tits and all, but comparing her to a drug on the context of sex sure is enlightening. It just how goes to show how skillful she was on bed, at least with John Mayer. I now just wonder how Jessica’s reverend pop would react on this.
John Mayer is on the cover of the new issue of Rolling Stones, which he filled with word vomit. He babbled about too much things and too much information that I don’t care about.
On Jennifer Aniston:
“I’m the asshole. I burned the American Flag.”
“I have masturbated myself out of serious problems in my life.”
On being rejected by chicks at clubs:
“Blowing me off is the new sucking me off!“
I don’t know about you, but all his ramblings just didn’t make any sense to me. Well, except when he said something about asshole, because suddenly I thought about that Puerto Rican singer Noelia.