Looks like Katy Perry is totally dickmatized by Russel Brand’s dong because on The Ellen DeGeneres Show today she told Ellen that say she is determined to change her last name to brand. Katy Brand? It doesn’t have a jingle on it anymore! Damn you Russel Brand! You already have Katy Perry’s tits, you selfish basterd! Via Us Magazine:
“If I’m at an event or something like that and [someone] want[s] special attention. They go, ‘”Mrs. Brand!’ and I go shwoosh,” the singer said, turning her head to demonstrate. Ellen DeGeneres then asked if she’s making that official. “Yes, I am actually,” Perry said. “I’m in the process.”
Whatever. She’s still gonna be Katy Perry to me. It’s kinda hard to rub one out when she’s Katy Brand in your head. Makes you visualize shagging Katy with Russel Brand watching on the corner of the room. Yep, exactly! Just like that on the pic above! Yeesh.
The newly-married Californian popstar is reportedly turning down offers to go naked on magazine spreads, Playboy to be specific. Her close friends say that she’s just the cock-teaser type, enjoys playing it sexy but she’ll stop at that, ‘coz her goodies aren’t comin’ out anytime soon. Wow. Damn. All these cock teasing this annoying hoe has thrown our way is nothing but that, cockteasing! Via Radar:
“The newly-minted Mrs. Russell Brand confessed to British Cosmopolitan magazine that she enjoys playing the sexy card because “it’s fun and it’s definitely in my deck.”
She’s more a Dita Von Teese kind of girl, Katy says. “I won’t be doing a Playboy spread.”
Somebody sit Katy Perry’s ass infront of the tv and make her watch Dita Von Teese’s lesbian sex tape and maybe that might change her perception of what kind of stripper Dita Von Teese is. Besides, Katy Perry naked is a better view than seeing her in barbie whore clothes.
Because humility is not in her vocabulary as well as class and elegance, Katy Perry’s tits is bragging to Now Magazine that she party likes a rockstar and fucks like a pornstar, adding her ex(or is it?)-sex addict husband Russel Brand will back her up on that shit. Via Radar:
“He’s cheated in the past but he knows how good he has it with me and I know he’d never do anything to jeopardise that. I trust him 100%.”
Asked how she keeps him satisfied the Teenage Dream singer explained: “Like Ludacris rapped, ‘I’m a lady in the street and a freak in the bed’. “I can’t rate myself, but if you ask Russell I’m sure he’d give me a 10 out of 10.”
Now let’s not over-exaggerate here with the scoring system shall we Katy? As much as I want to believe you are indeed a ten, shouldn’t we first put that to the test? Look, I’m even willing to do it with Russel Brand around, but in the condition that I’m not to be one oh his fantasy ladyboys ok! Just making it clear.
Well this is gonna suck balls. Apparently, Katy Perry isn’t as fun as her titties make her look bcause it turns out she’s one of those bridezillas who loves imposing shit before the wedding. In this case, she’s not letting her sex-addict fiance Russel Brand stick his hairy peen in her mud pie until their wedding night. Via Sunday Mirror:
“Katy wants everything to be special for their wedding, including the first night. The sex ban was definitely her idea. “Russell has reluctantly agreed, and they are sure it will be worth it after they have tied the knot.” The couple are reportedly heading to India later this month to wed in a traditional Hindu ceremony.”
You gotta love how she slapped him with a no-sex rule, trying her best to look like a Catholic when a. she’s going to have a Hindu wedding anyway and b. she’s not a damn virgin anymore. I mean if Katy Perry’s ass doesn’t want Russel Brand anymore all she has to do is to tell it to his face. Not put the poor guy in a bait he’ll obviously fall into. We’re talking about a guy who eats punani three times a day plus midnight snack and everytime with his coffee, ofcourse he’ll stick his wang into another girl’s punani that’s not Katy Perry’s.
Katy Perry’s tits got banned from Sesame Street after they’ve received a shit ton of complaints from parents who thinks her tits are pure evil. Katy’s song with Elmo was uploaded in YouTube on Monday with nearly a million views. Some of the complaints received include a parent saying his son got a boner out of the song so the producers decided no to air the damn thing. Via TMZ:
‘Among the parental comments:
– “You can practically see her t*ts. That’s some wonderful children’s programming.”
– “they’re gonna have to rename it cleavage avenue”
– “my kid wants milk now”
Fact is … what looks like Katy’s bare chest is actually covered in flesh-colored mesh that goes all the way to her neck.’
Flesh mesh or not, it’s still tits. I watched that shit and I instantly felt the need for some milk, and I’m not even wearing diapers. But I mean did those mothers who complained even looked at the bright side? So many daddies will have bonding time with their kids if they aired this shit.
Just to prove to you how much of a manwhore Katy Perry’s boyfriend and hairy British sex mogul Russel Brand is, Glamour UK had a chance to interview Katy Perry’s tits and she spilled some awkward info about her mom and Russel Brand. At first, she admits that her parents didn’t really approve of him but with time, they have created a bond with him, especially Katy’s Mom.
The California Girls singer told the magazine that her mom and Russel are getting a little close for comfort saying, “He’s very charming with them and he has an ongoing on email love with my mom and she loves it,” Perry laughs. “She flirts with him, which is totally inappropriate and I tell him to stop.” Well this is just fuckin’ gross and awkward. And here, we have another example of Catholic girls gone wild(or wrong) but this time, we’re also talking about the mom! I knew that British bastard is Satan in a hairier form!
Not to be seen as an already senile magazine whose taste in cover-worthy people is down the drain, Rolling Stone featured Katy Perry’s tits on the cover of their latest issue. The singer of the hit song California Girl is seen not wearing rubber bikinis or whatever latex monstrosity on the bed, but instead, wearing matching pink panties and bra that shows her bountiful goodies. In the magazine, she also talks about her younger years being raised by ultra-conservative religious parents. She also talked about eggs, tongues and lucky charms.
On speaking in tongues and their parents having this gift:
“Speaking in tongues is as normal to me as ‘Pass the salt.’ It’s a secret, direct prayer language to God. A lot of religions use meditation or chanting. It’s a secret, direct prayer language to God.”
On how her mom is term-sensitive with eggs and why she wasn’t allowed to eat lucky charms:
“I wasn’t ever able to say I was ‘lucky’ because my mother would rather us say that we were blessed, and she also didn’t like that lucky sounded like Lucifer. Deviled eggs were called ‘angeled’ eggs. I wasn’t allowed to eat Lucky Charms, but I think that was the sugar. I think my mom lied to me about that one.”
Well, just in case she wants to know, I also have a gift of tongue, ask the girls I bring home to my basement every night. We can discuss it anytime, just give me a call. In the meantime, ‘ya did good Rolling Stone, ‘ya did good.
Not only does the British Chewbacca also known as Russel Brand gets to motorboat Katy Perry’s tits on a regular basis, the lucky mother is getting married to those funbags in October!
Page Six reports:
Katy Perry and Russell Brand plan to marry in Maui in late October, sources tell Page Six. The sultry singer and tight-trousered comic will have an intimate ceremony at a private location on the island. Speculation has been rife ever since their New Year’s Eve engagement.
Perry recently said, “I hear these crazy stories — we are going to get married in latex, underwear, in spandex, in Japan, in India, in Thailand. But I think all this craziness . . . is really funny. And I don’t set the record straight as I love this chaotic circus of wrong information.” Her rep didn’t get back to us.
What about that one story about Katy Perry backing away from the isle and away from Russel Brand and runs the street while stripping her wedding dress off in slow motion to head towards my house and into my bed? No?
Looks like Katy Perry’s tits hates Miley Cyrus’ guts because in a recent interview with Life & Style Magazine, she basically said what 90% of the world is thinking, the teen slut is just another Britney Spears clone.
“Oh my God, poor girl,” Katy said as quoted by Life & Style Magazine. “She’s Britney Spears all over again. It’s happening right before our eyes.” When her friend asked if she meant Lindsay Lohan, she answered, “No, she’s definitely headed the Britney route. It’s worse. Look at those outfits. It’s bad.”
I’ve always thought that if Katy Perry doesn’t have that humongous rack, she’ll be flipping pancakes at Ihops. But looks like she somehow has a working brain too and I absolutely agree with her. See how I’m hypnotized by those tits?
Katy Perry wins the title “Hottest Woman Alive“, as is #1 on this year’s Maxim’s Hot 100 List. She beat out last year’s front runner, Olivia Wilde, who fell deep in the list at #20.
But why Katy Perry? The magazine explains, “[Katy Perry] is the best friend you suddenly realize you’ve loved your whole life. The rad chick who taught you how to skateboard and whistle and also looks unbelievable in a bikini.”
Maxim could have summed up all those into a one-word explanation: boobs.