Pee Wee Herman finally crawled out of a theater to talk about his 1991 arrest where popos put his over-sexed hands in cuffs after allegedly masturbating in an adult theater. In the recent issue of Playboy, Pee Wee, other known as Paul Reubens in real life or when he doesn’t want to look like a child-touching papaw, told Playboy that he would’ve won the case had the judge only knew the the difference from left and right. He told Playboy, “Had we gone to trial, we had ready an expert from the Masters and Johnson Institute who was going to testify that in 30 years of research on masturbation the institute had never found one person who masturbated with his or her non-dominant hand,” and went on to say that he was right-handed but the police said he was beating the meat with his left-hand, a solid proof that it couldn’t have been him.
Whatever! I’ve been doing the 5 knuckle shuffle with both my right and left hand since I learned how to ride a bike. How else can you surf and spank at the same time? Am I right? High five!
This I got to see. Paris Hilton must have the best agent in the business because she keeps getting parts. Supposedly, her next project will be opposite Paul Reubens AKA Pee-wee Herman. From The Scoop:
“Paris Hilton either has the best agent ever, or she’s better in auditions than she is in films themselves, because the woman keeps getting parts. Next up, a new film from Todd Solondz, who brought you ‘Happiness’ (it was the opposite of happy, if you haven’t seen it). And, if you’ve heard what I’m about to say already, stay with me because it bears repeating. Hilton will be co-starring with Paul Reubens. Yes. Pee-wee Herman. Almost makes you wish she’d keep doing commercials for John McCain…”
So the heiress still lands jobs despite her obvious lack of acting skills in movies (except in the pornographic kind). Even in her own sex tape, Paris’s acting is questionable. Now who would get criticized for acting lame in a sex tape? Oh yeah, does the name Kim Kardashian ring any bells?