Date Posted: October 21, 2010 - 10:00 pm by: Paris
Categories: Snooki

This gremlin again. Well if you’re in the mood to strangle a fluffy kitten, then here’s your big bowl of WTF this morning. The fugly-ass Oompa Loompa named Snooki from Jersey Shore is queefing out to everyone that she’s turned Mother Theresa now isn’t humping any dead branch before she marries it. Via Radar:

“The pint sized reality star told a Detroit radio show Thursday she “hasn’t had sex in three months” — and RadarOnline.com has the full interview.

Snooki and Jenni “J-WOWW” Farley were guests on the Mojo In The Morning show and Snookster squelched pregnancy rumors and dished on how she’s not getting any action. “You have to have sex to get pregnant,” Snooki told the show’s hosts. “We are really into family values and getting married before… (getting pregnant).”

Well if this shit is really true, then that’s just fuckin’ wonderful. Do you have a problem about that? We don’t! That’s gonna save us from a whole decade of STD epidemic ‘coz I’m predicting nobody in his right mind would want to marry this trollop. And I’ve got a question, if Snooki’s twat is too diseased that no self-loving human would want to stick his peen inside it, that doesnt count as abstinence, does it?

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Date Posted: October 5, 2010 - 2:54 am by: Paris
Categories: Snooki

Geezus calm the freak down and back away from the ledge carefully! No need to kill yourself, it’s not what you think man. Yeah it’s true Snooki will be doing a gig in the porn industry, but not in the position that will make our retinas bleed. Apparently, some porn company named FleshDrive wants the Jersey Shore Oompa Loompa be the their celebrity endorser, and stressed out that she is no way to strip and let her naked monstrosity out for the sake of porn. Via YNOT:

“Our company image is that we pack a big punch in a little package,” Vice President of Sales Michael Gruosso wrote in the letter. “Who better to endorse our product than the woman who does exactly that? We know that Snooki makes a big impression wherever she goes, and that is why her tiny figure and incredible attitude will fit perfectly within the FleshDrive world. By merging Snooki with the FleshDrive, we know Snooki will make a great amount of money by doing very little.”

You know you’re nature’s epic fail when you’re not even fit for midget porn. Sadly for her, 99% of these horny bastards are sober when watching porn.

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Date Posted: September 24, 2010 - 2:28 am by: Paris
Categories: Snooki

Because it’s her true main goal to destroy humanity so her gremlin people can finally take over the world, Jersey Shore’s Snooki is planning to make an album that will melt our eardrums and shrink our brains. Via Chicago Sun Times:

‘SCARY THOUGHT: “Jersey Shore” phenom Snooki is quietly working with a couple of record producers — putting together her first album.’

Man, what is up with these Jersey Shore butt nuggets that makes America looks like a huge jungle of assorted beasts. She’s an embarassment. She probably thinks it’s a brilliant idea. It could be, only if this vapid troll can reach the microphone.

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Date Posted: August 10, 2010 - 1:04 am by: Paris
Categories: Snooki

Remember  when that Ewok from Jersey Shore got arrested last week at Seaside Heights in NJ from drinking and acting all kinds of crazy in broad fuckin’ daylight? Well she took a break from chugging a bottle to be interviewed by MTV about her drinking habits. Now the Oompa Loompa is vowing to cut down on the booze saying she won’t let a drop of the sweet nectar touch her lips in the daytime. She went on to say, “My dad was very, very pissed. He’s like, ‘I didn’t raise you like this.’ I just felt really bad, so I’m definitely going to stop drinking during the daytime. And now when I go out, I only have a couple drinks. I learned that I need to calm down with drinking.” In Snooki’s defense though, I think she loved drinking in daytime to forget the fact that no one will touch her during that time of day when her revolting image is fully exposed.

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Date Posted: July 23, 2010 - 3:06 am by: Paris
Categories: Heidi Montag, Snooki

Because heated tension between two filthy rats are expected at any given day in the Celebwhore world, Jersey Shore’s vapid vermin Snooki is saying that she will plant her midget fists on Heidi Montag for the simple reason that she’s Heidi Montag.

TMZ reports:

“I will punch her in the face because I don’t like her,” Snooki said when asked if Heidi should join her show. “She had too many surgeries. She looks like an alien and guidettes don’t look like aliens, just saying.”

Snooki was then asked if Heidi had said anything in the past to prompt such a reaction. She explained, “I don’t know [if she said anything about me]. I don’t research Heidi because she’s nothing to me.”

I mean I could understand why Snooki would be so insecure at the pristine pillow that is Heidi Montag’s tits that’s why she farted out those words but it sounds like her morning speech at the bathroom when she looks at herself in the mirror.

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Date Posted: May 7, 2010 - 2:40 am by: Paris
Categories: JWoww, Snooki

It’s all for the ratings. JWoww and Snooki got their lesbo on and passed lime to each other with their tongues, and were photographed doing it. I guess MTV’s Jersey Shore is experimenting on including a lesbian aspect to the reality show. I just wish they get better-looking talents, I mean, look at this.

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Date Posted: May 4, 2010 - 2:15 am by: Paris
Categories: Snooki

I don’t care if your show is number one in ratings or something, if you know you look hideous in a bikini, then DON’T WEAR ONE. Take a look at Jersey Shore’s Snooki for example. What she did right here, is nothing but this: she made a complete fool out of herself.

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Date Posted: February 3, 2010 - 1:30 am by: Paris
Categories: Snooki

First it was J-Woww (whoever that is). Now, it’s the punched-in-the-face fatty who has nude pictures that are being shopped around. Reportedly, Jersey Shore’s Snooki also has naked pics of herself, even a video showing her in her birthday suit.

I don’t know why the cast of this reality show have to do this. Why, they’re already raking in the ratings. They’re famous as hell. So why bother leaking nude pics that no one wants to see?

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