Date Posted: June 30, 2010 - 3:20 am by: Paris
Categories: Jon Gosselin

Just when you think things couldn’t be any douchier, the former reality tv star and father of 8 in the series Jon and Kate plus Eight outdouches himself by getting a huge-ass tattoo of a dragon on his back. Never thought these pics would land as an exclusive but apparently Radar thinks they are so here we go.

Radar reports:

RadarOnline.com has exclusively obtained the first photos of the former reality TV star’s new body art, including pictures of the work in progress. The 33-year-old ex-husband of Kate Gosselin says he has been doing some soul searching and got the tattoo to signify changes he is making to his life.

“I have planned this tattoo for years now,” Jon told RadarOnline.com in an exclusive interview. “I wanted something that resembled a rebirth or a change in me.”

How in the world can people take this clown seriously? Talking about rebirth when the tat clearly doesn’t look like a dragon but more like a snake with a rat’s head. But right, he did say a change in himself. From a snake into a rat? This dude leaks of comical shit.

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Date Posted: June 30, 2010 - 3:03 am by: Paris
Categories: Lindsay Lohan

Thanks to an already fucked-up and tarnished celebrity whore reputation, it will make things easier for Lindsay Lohan to do well on her role as Linda Lovelace in the upcoming controversial movie Inferno. But nosy professional experts are saying the movie is going to take a toll on Lindsay Lohan’s self-image. Huh. You don’t say..

Hollywood Life reports:

“It’s not going to do any good for her already tarnished reputation — I think this movie hits a little too close to home. If she’s serious about getting her career back on track, she needs to take on a more mature and sophisticated role to show how her talent has progressed over the years.” In the film, which is set to begin filming as early as August, Lindsay has filthy lines like, “Is there anything in this life I like more than cock sucking? Okay. Well, one thing. On OCCASION. I love it when my man Chuck socks it to me in the ass” and “I was put on this earth for one thing and one thing only — sucking a footlong cock!”

Even if the film is well-produced, directed and acted (three MAJOR ifs), there’s also the worry that audiences will feel uncomfortable watching the young starlet reenacting the hard-partying lifestyle that brought her to her current SCRAM-bracelet wearing state in the first place.

“My issue isn’t with the graphic sex and language, but I do think it will be painful to see a very sad person’s life opened up to the masses,” the casting director said, sympathizing, “Linda Lovelace’s life hits too close to home to Lindsay’s.”

I can’t imagine this film doing further damage to Lindsay Lohan’s ass. It’s not like we don’t already see her living the life of a slutty cokewhore who sucks dicks for a career position in Hollywood.

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Date Posted: June 30, 2010 - 2:48 am by: Paris
Categories: Lady Gaga

Ever wondered what Lady Gaga looks like if it actually embraced the fact that it has a dick? Yep. Still equally fugly but without the assclown clothes it usually slips its slimey self into this is a big breath of fresh air. However some hoes are not believing that this is Lady Gaga on the cover  of Vogue Hommes Japan.

Popeater reports:

Lady Gaga just won’t stop toying around with those hermaphrodite rumors. Now, the ever-eccentric pop star appears in drag (?) for an upcoming issue of Vogue Hommes Japan. Perez Hilton and Gaga’s stylist, Nicola Formichetti, teased the Twitterverse this morning with photos of a mysterious male model — one that happens to have a strikingly familiar profile. Formichetti credits the model as “Jo Calderone,” but he later linked out to a blog debating whether or not the mystery man is indeed Gaga.

C’mon now, who would believe this isn’t Gaga? I could recognize that nose anywhere. That’s the same nose that got smashed in this little airport incident just last week. I hope it keeps this shit up. In all honesty, it makes a more convincing guy than a chick.

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Date Posted: June 29, 2010 - 3:36 am by: Paris
Categories: Kristen Stewart

What’s up with these celebs trying to change their dirty haggard look to a clean image? Last weekend it was Mickey Rourke who said adios to his gutter-hobo weave, now it’s Kristen Stewart who kicked her dirty, smelly stoner teen look to the curb.

Seen here is Kristen Stewart donning a lighter shade of golden brown hair. I mean her face is still stoned and what not but somehow with this new hairstyle, she doesn’t look like she only got one facial expression.

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Date Posted: June 29, 2010 - 3:23 am by: Paris
Categories: Mel Gibson

If you follow the news about this creepy alleged woman-beater known as Mel Gibson then you’d already know that there was a restraining order filed against him by his former mistress Oksana. Since the Russian hoe claims that he went rabid on her face knocking her two front teeth out everybody was all Sherlock Holmes like, ‘but where’s the bitch’s the dental records?’. Well calm the F down ‘coz TMZ has the juicy info:

TMZ reports:

Now we’ve learned there are photos of the damage to Oksana’s teeth and, we’re told, medical records showing she went to a dentist the following day.
Sources connected with Oksana tell TMZ one tooth was completely knocked out and another was chipped.

Sources connected with Mel, however, tell TMZ Oksana’s teeth were not damaged … just the veneers, and the source says Mel didn’t cause the damage. The source adds, “Mel has no idea what she did after he left the house.”

Meanwhile, the rest of the Jew  population of the world are having a party…”Take that you Jew-hating Illuminati!”

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Date Posted: June 29, 2010 - 2:47 am by: Paris
Categories: Jessica Simpson

We haven’t seen Jessica Simpson’s tits in a while and I honestly thought she joined the Sumo wrestling federation already but bitch is back and if there’s anyone who’s totally credible in spilling their diet secrets, it should be someone who looks exactly the same as when we last saw her in her fat state. Doesn’t make sense right? Well it’s Jessica Simpson fellas, it only makes sense.

Ok Magazine reports:

Has Jessica Simpson been talking to Gwyneth Paltrow? The singer has spent the weekend eating vegan food, meditating and undergoing the ancient treatment of cupping.

“Shocked my system with a vegan diet, special Pu-erh tea from China, and cupping since friday! Who am I right now? This might be too clean!” Jessica confessed via Twitter last night.

The Price of Beauty star, who has talked openly about her struggles with her weight and body image, spent the weekend on a new age retreat with a healer called Master Wang. Clearly, whatever he was doing worked, taking Jess on a far-out mystical journey.

“Has anyone ever tried cupping?” she Tweeted yesterday. “When u know you are doing something good for your body the meditation creates intense visions. Love it!”

Just what the heck exactly is cupping? The only cupping I know involves my two palms and a set of funbags.

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Date Posted: June 28, 2010 - 3:39 am by: Paris

It’s not a hundred percent sure yet but I’m gonna go ahead and add Mel Gibson to my list of  celebrity woman-beaters. There has been reports recently that  his former mistress/baby mama Russian singer Oksana Grigorieva is claiming that Mel G went Chris Brown on her one foggy night which led him to nail an unholy fist on her face.

TMZ reports:

We’ve learned Oksana’s lawyers went to the family law court in downtown L.A. last Monday for an emergency hearing, and told the judge that Mel allegedly got violent with her — two sources say Oksana claimed Mel was “extremely violent.”

Sources tell TMZ the judge issued a restraining order prohibiting Mel from having any contact with Oksana. We’re told the next day, Mel’s lawyers went back to court and got the order modified so Mel could see their daughter.
We’re told Mel also got a restraining order against Oksana, but only with respect to prohibiting her from releasing certain information.

A source connected with Oksana confirms the alleged violent incidents occurred in January, but added, “There were other acts after January that were not physical but still constituted domestic violence.”

Listen if that up there isn’t the face of a crazed woman-beating demon taking a human form, then I don’t know what is. Though on a more serious note, Mel G has quite a rep in the past sooo…yeah. On another note, the gold-digging hoe is crying she got her face baptized by Mel G’s fist, smashing her two front teeth, so she must be able to pull some dental records out her ass to prove  the allegations are true. On a last side note, why the hell does Oksana have a striking resemblance to Octomom?

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Date Posted: June 28, 2010 - 3:11 am by: Paris
Categories: Lindsay Lohan

Okay I know we’ve seen Lindsay Lohan’s excuses coming like Lindsay Lohan’s naked freckled tits but this time the booze-loving celebslut has added a new excuse in her book. Excuse #347,309: spray tanning.

TMZ reports:

Lindsay Lohan is flirting with danger by spray tanning, after being warned it could trigger a positive alcohol reading with the SCRAM people.

Multiple sources say people have told Lindsay she can’t get a spray tan while she’s wearing the bracelet, because a chemical in the tanning solution can create a reading which would show the presence of alcohol.

Lindsay’s response to that warning — we’re told she’s still getting a spray tan 1 to 2 times a week.

Geeze, it’s almost like this bitch is really asking for the judge to throw her ass in jail. This may sound odd and probably true but considering Lindsay Lohan’s train wreck lifestyle is heading towards a cliff, a jail cell just might be the safest place for her right now.

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Date Posted: June 28, 2010 - 2:54 am by: Paris
Categories: Mickey Rourke

Following the death of the true love of his life, his dog Loki, he decided that it’s time that the scraggly mop on his head be put to sleep too. This weekend, a clean cut and shaved Mickey Rourke was spotted walking with his recent dogwalker slash peensitter and I mean he still looks like the wet dream of a crazy-ass cosmetic surgeon who had a knack of cutting face parts of his sister’s Barbie dolls and putting it on the faces of his troll collection when he was a kid but I guess all I’m saying is, Mickey is looking better these days.

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Date Posted: June 27, 2010 - 3:33 am by: Paris
Categories: Lindsay Lohan

Lindsay Lohan’s assistant Elinore has recently quit the bitch and there are reports flying that several magazines are offering her cash deals around $50,000 for a tell-all story.

RadarOnline reports:

Earlier this month, Lindsay Lohan’s assistant Elinore quit because she couldn’t take the crazy hours and odd behavior anymore, RadarOnline reported. Now, she is allegedly being offered five-figure deals to tell all about her life as Lohan’s assistant, NY Post reports. Sources said the weeklies have been offering cash deals worth around $50,000.

Apparently, the former assistant is scared to sign a deal. “She has so far refused the offers, saying she doesn’t want to tell on Lindsay as she’s afraid she’ll never work again,” a source said.

Geeze, isn’t Lindsay Lohan’s life an open book already? What the heck do people want more? A sketch of her nose hair or the number of freckles on Lindsay Lohan’s tits?  Okay that’s it, who’s this bitch trying to sign a deal with Lindsay Lohan on a reality show based on her crappy life? Aww shit, Michael Lohan is that you behind that moustache? Security!

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