Date Posted: July 31, 2010 - 7:56 am by: Paris
Categories: Lindsay Lohan

Lindsay Lohan isn’t too excited to go out of the jail and for one reason only: she’s worried about the photos the paparazzi will release once they take a picture of her fresh out of jail, without makeup, in messed-up nasty hair extensions and smelling as lovely as the alleyway dumpster in a ghetto hood.

Popeater reports:

“There is a small, dirty public bathroom in the reception area that she will be allowed to use briefly before she leaves,” an insider very familiar with Century Regional Correctional Facility tells me. “She will not be allowed to plug in a hairdryer and get a blow out and she can forget about using a flattening iron. There will be no full-length mirror and only if the corrections officers decide to be nice will they close the area to the public. Remember everyone who works at that jail hates the press. They don’t want to be bothered with all this nonsense and want to rid themselves of Lindsay as quickly as possible.”

I think I know the best solution for this shit. Get a rope and hang yourself with it. They won’t see your face when you’re all zipped up in the leather bag. But that’s just a suggestion.

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Date Posted: July 31, 2010 - 2:56 am by: Paris
Categories: Mel Gibson

The blowjob-crazed(and deprived), Satan-reincarnated Mel Gibson finally got a break from the past few weeks where recordings of his N-word and other dirty foul language-filled verbal barf has added fuel to his already soiled reputation as a hardcore racist. Child services paid Mel G a visit  and made a decision that pretty much proves that the California government system is a big fat joke.

RadarOnline reports:

“The Department of Children and Family Services believes Mel has a wonderful relationship with his infant daughter Lucia,” a source close to the actor told RadarOnline.com. DCFS visited Gibson at his home last week, as RadarOnline.com was first to report.

“They have a very healthy father-daughter relationship,” the source said. “He is very involved with her. Mel is a great father to her and this is why there have been no changes as far as his visits with her are concerned.”

DCFS says that now, but wait until my dog’s vet gives this fuckwit a visit and he’ll say otherwise. He’ll probably be requiring Mel to take a rabies shot while he’s at it, and to wear a dog muzzle, a no-bark collar(well, a no-pant collar in his case) and advise him to be in a damn cage with a lock only from the outside at all times and away from kids, incase his ass transforms into a rabid beast again.

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Date Posted: July 30, 2010 - 2:35 am by: Paris

Hollywood’s A-list star and Bar Rafaeli’s long-time boyfriend, Leonardo DiCaprio, apparently doesn’t want to do shit with Mel Gibson because he reportedly pulled himself out of the Mel Gibson-directed Viking movie. With Inception still #1 at the box office, I don’t think Leo is stupid enough to throw the rising success down the drain to be involved in alleged wife-beater/racist mongrel.

RadarOnline reports:

“Not a chance,” said a source, close to the Inception star, when asked if he was still planning to star in Gibson’s next project.
A source close to DiCaprio said the star, who is currently basking in the release of his wildly acclaimed box-office topping movie Inception, did not want to risk his reputation, with being associated with Mel.

“Leo has earned the right to pick and choose who he works with and Mel Gibson is not one of them,” the source added.

Whatever happened to that movie Mel Gibson is starring in about a beaver? Don’t tell me the beaver pulled out of that mess too? It makes sense though. The beaver doesn’t give a dam about that rabid beast no more. You got my joke? Beaver don’t give a dam? High five!

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Date Posted: July 30, 2010 - 2:24 am by: Paris
Categories: Elisabetta Canalis

George Clooney sure likes them dirty eh? Italian model and George C’s girlfriend, Elisabatta Canalis is involved in a cocaine scandal that lead to the arrest of five people and a closing of a club in Milan, witnesses say.

RadarOnline reports:

RadarOnline.com has discovered that Canalis has been implicated in an Italian cocaine scandal where one witness testified: “I’ve done cocaine with other people including Elisabetta Canalis.” According to one of Italy’s most prestigious newspapers, Corriere della Sera, an investigation was launched in 2008 into two Milan, Italy nightclubs that were allegedly running an escort and prostitution ring fueled by alcohol and cocaine. Those nightclubs were regularly frequented by celebrities.

“They [the girls] were brought into the clubs by the various characters acting as PR for the evenings to entertain customers at the tables of the private club,” prosecutor Frank Di Maio stated in the investigative documents. “Their job was to encourage these customers to drink alcohol as to increase the table’s bill, followed up by sex off premises.”

I’m sorry what’s that? I was distracted to this superb thing that may probably cure Cancer that is Elisabetta Cannalis’ ass. Who cares about George C, we all know the guy’s gay and probably just hiring this goddess as his beard but all I can say is, Elisabetta can snort a few lined off my wiener any time.

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Date Posted: July 30, 2010 - 2:12 am by: Paris
Categories: Lindsay Lohan

You might think President Obama wouldn’t give two cents about things that lack class but I guess a man will always love a pair of rack, even if they belong to Hollywood’s vapid trainwreck Lindsay Lohan. As shitty as it sounds, at least his vocubalry doesn’t include a Snooki in it.

People reports:

Quizzed by Joy Behar in a “lightening” round, Obama was asked if he knew if Lohan is in jail. “I actually know that, yes,” the President responded.
But Snooki stumped him. “Should Snooki run as mayor of Wasilla?” Behar asked. Obama, laughing, responded, “I gotta admit, I don’t know who Snooki is.”
On his final question, the Chief Executive was thrown – or simply being diplomatic – when Behar inquired if he thought Gibson needs “anger management.”

“I … I …,” the President stuttered and then joked, “Let me answer the Afghanistan question!” He informed the panel he “hadn’t seen the tapes.”

Isn’t it funny how Obama is scared shitless to talk about Mel Gibson but wants to talk about terrorists without batting an eyelash? Looks like someone got a call from Mel Gibson too.

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Date Posted: July 29, 2010 - 2:57 am by: Paris
Categories: Angelina Jolie

If your name is Jennifer Aniston, prepare to lube up your vajayjay ‘coz I figured this latest news the bitches over at Star Magazine is saying about Angelina Jolie’s leaked photos and disturbing past that according to them will for sure wreck the Brangelina tandem would be some pretty orgasmic material for you.

ContactMusic reports:

Racy decade-old photos of ANGELINA JOLIE posing semi-nude and in bondage gear have been released by an American tabloid.

Eight raunchy snaps, allegedly taken in 1999 by a friend, have been published in Star magazine. The actress is pictured with black tape over her nipples and a dog leash around her neck in some of the images.
Star’s sources allege the photos were taken during a 14-hour drug binge.

Jolie, 35, has admitted to using drugs in the past, before settling down and starting a family with partner Brad Pitt. She has also alluded to a “dark” past, telling USA today in a recent interview, “There’s certainly a side of me that isn’t completely… sane. Or completely ‘even’ all the time. We all have our dark sides.”

I find it shocking that Star Magazine finds this shocking. The whole world already knows her wild ways back then so I don’t know what the fuss is all about. Wake me up when someone gets a hold of Brad’s castration pictures, or when leaked photos of Angelina boinking his ass with a strap-on dildo surface. That’s even more news-worthy.

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Date Posted: July 29, 2010 - 2:49 am by: Paris
Categories: Paris Hilton

Well this is some interesting shit. The VD-carrying mantis known as Paris Hilton has stooped down to a new low. And I mean that in the literal sense too. Apparently, the celebwhore has a sugar daddy–a Malaysian filthy rich businessman who goes by the name Take Jho Low.

Mr. Paparazzi reports:

After her escapades the other day, we thought that Paris Hilton had already had more champagne poured all over her than one person could possibly handle in a lifetime – but apparently not so.

During a night in St.Tropez earlier this week the socialite’s uber rich pal Taek Jho Low – who she’s recently been travelling with – spent a whopping 3.5 million Euros on buying gigantic bottles of Crystal for Paris and her champagne guzzling friends – which they then promptly poured all over themselves. Obviously (why, what else are you supposed to do with it?)

Apparently the Malaysian tycoon decided to splash out on the ridiculous lavish gift for the reality star after the socialite had come face-to-face with her ex Doug Reindhart who was in the same club as them. According to club revellers Doug tried to compete with Jho Lo by buying four gigantic bottles of Crystal but that was no match for the Malaysian businessman who then went onto buy the club’s entire supply of bubbly.

Jeezus. $5 million dollar of booze for a downpayment to get a taste of Parasite Hilton’s crusty crustacean? This sick bastard. On the other hand, he’s asian so he’s probably used to the smell and taste of raw, rotten fish.

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Date Posted: July 29, 2010 - 2:31 am by: Paris
Categories: Uncategorized

You think you hate Orlando Bloom now? Well here’s another reason to hate him even more. It wasn’t even more than a month Miranda Kerr’s ass married Orlando B. and now sources are saying that the Victoria’s Secret Supermodel is already knocked up!

Us Weekly says:

“She’s definitely pregnant… Miranda’s thrilled,” says a source close to the Australia native, who wed the actor, 33, at an undisclosed location — reportedly in the Caribbean — less than a month after revealing their engagement on June 21. “She’s telling all her friends, mostly other models, about it.”

While the pal says no official announcement will be made, the couple of three years’ big news will be hard to keep hidden.

“She poses in lingerie,” says the friend of Kerr, who has modeled for Victoria’s Secret since 2007. “It will be obvious soon enough.”

As much as I want to pull out the lucky bastard’s testicles, you got to give the guy credit. He went from being a sissy elf, to a sissy pirate to the fucking king of men who got to impregnate the hottest chick on the planet. Sonofabitch.

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Date Posted: July 28, 2010 - 3:30 am by: Paris
Categories: Hayden Panettiere

This photo of a blonde chick naked and sitting on the floor of a bathroom fully exposing her ass in Photographer Deborah Anderson’s 2009 released photo book titled Room 23 has been doing the rounds and there are some talks that those meat sacks might actually be Hayden Panettiere’s ass.

Via Idontlikeyouinthatway:

“This is actually an extremely well known actress.” says Deborah coyly. “It was her idea to sit in the shower as long as she was anonymous. I removed a tattoo so as not to give the secret away but she does appear somewhere else in the book with clothes on.”

It’s important to note that the photo book also contains the likes of Sharon Stone, Sir Elton John, George Clooney, Minnie Driver, Dennis Hopper, Larry King and Cindy Crawford. I mean yeah it sure as hell looks good from this angle without seeing Hayden Panettiere’s t-rexy arms but then again, this could be Elton John.

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Date Posted: July 28, 2010 - 3:19 am by: Paris
Categories: Oprah Winfrey

Most famous chicks in the entertainment business no matter how prim and classy they look usually have some kind of a past that always involve their vaginas, and Oprah Winfrey’s no exception to that rule because some nosy bitches are farting out that she has a history of prostitution in her teens.

National Enquirer reports:

What OPRAH WINFREY wishes would remain secret forever! Exclusive Enquirer in-depth investigation into the shocking claims the talk show
queen led a secret life as a teen-age prostitute. Desperate to hush up the incredible hooker allegations, Oprah is digging into her billion-dollar fortune to pay off friends and family to keep quiet…Insiders say Oprah, 56, has repeatedly lied about her sexually active teen years and her “hard luck” childhood – and now her flagrant fibs are set to blow up in her face!

“Oprah is reeling at the thought that her dirtiest secrets might soon be acted out night after night on TV,” said a source. “She is marshalling all her influence and vast fortune to prevent any of the allegations from leaking out.” For years Oprah has claimed that while living with her mother in Milwaukee, she got pregnant at age 14 after being sexually abused by a relative. But during our investigation in Milwaukee interviewing sources, The ENQUIRER has uncovered the incredible charges about Oprah’s time there: She took money from much older men for sexual favors, and one of those men could be the father of her child! “Oprah ‘dated’ men – as she called it – but she was actually having sex in exchange for money. She was a prostitute – period,” a family insider told The ENQUIRER. “While her mother Vernita Lee was at work, Oprah brought men home for sex.’

Sooo..looks like there’s actually one publishing company out there that Oprah couldn’t buy. Well fuck you, people over at the National Enquirer! She could be a hooker or even a Russian spy for all I care! It took me years to erase the vision of her naked in Beloved, and now I’m reminded of it again?? Rot in hell.

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