Date Posted: September 30, 2010 - 1:02 am by: Paris
Categories: Jenny McCarthy

Let me stop beating around the ‘bush’ here and straight out tell you guys that Jenny McCarthy has the hairiest vagina in the history of Playboy! ..and here I thought Demi Moore has the wildest jungle bush ever. Jenny queefed out that tiny fact over at Oprah and told the audience what went down, down there. Via The Blemish:

“Jenny said the makeup artist came over to her and explained why everyone was so shocked. “They said they never saw anyone as hairy as you in their entire life!” The audience roared as Oprah laughed along with Jenny.

She said there was a discussion with the Playboy staffers and the photographer figured out what to do: “’I say we just light the heck out of it!’” Jenny recalled the photographer saying.”

Well you heard it first-hand fellas. So a friendly advie: When you’re the lucky chosen bastard who gets to go out with Jenny McCarthy, bring a damn machete along.

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Date Posted: September 30, 2010 - 1:00 am by: Paris
Categories: Jennifer Aniston

There’s no doubt that Jennifer Aniston has a type. She usually goes for either assholes, playahs and douchebags (e.g. John Mayer, Gerard Butler) and those types seem to like her back too. Her recent fling is Josh Hopkins who she met through Courtney Cox in the tv series Cougar Town and isn’t at all tight lipped about his whole feelings for Jen. Sources say that Josh is only interested in boinking Jennifer Aniston’s ass and nothing more. Via UsWeekly:

“Hopkins is “a player and is into meeting younger girls,” the insider adds. “He definitely lies to girls.” The actor (who romances Cox on the series) even has a raunchy nickname for Aniston, with whom he was spotted sharing a flirty meal at West Hollywood’s Madeo Sept. 2.

“Josh calls Jennifer his ‘sport f–k,’” a Hopkins pal tells Us, adding that the duo were simply “friends with benefits.”

Well simply put, Josh is just pussy-struck while Jen is dickmatized. Sounds like a couple made in heaven to me. While a lot of people pity this cougar hottie, I’d say she’s living the life! Why would you pity a 40 something chick who lives in a huge mansion with a shitload of money in the bank and who fucks whoever she like and doesn’t have to ask the guy to leave when she’s bored with him ‘coz they automatically do? Am I right or am I right?

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Date Posted: September 30, 2010 - 12:59 am by: Paris
Categories: Paris Hilton

Don’t be surprised if Hallmark increases their prices on their greeting cards in the following months, thanks to Paris Hilton’s weepy ass! Hallmark just pain a shit ton of money to settle their lawsuit with the socialite cunt. Paris sued them over a greeting card about her that shows a featured scene from her old reality show, “The Simple Life” where she’s sketched as a waitress with the caption “Paris’s First Day as a Waitress” along with her trademark blonde bimbo expression “That’s hot.”

Well you know what this means for this cuntwhore. Bonus money for a miniature dog to have it customized to match her Yves Saint Laurent handbag! Meanwhile, thanks for free e-cards online, I can still send my cousin Billy a ‘dont worry it’s just Herpes” card with this bitch’s face on it.

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Date Posted: September 29, 2010 - 12:46 am by: Paris
Categories: John Mayer

Because he was too busy being a big douche, John Mayer lost his celphone. You all know what that means fellas. There may be pics of Jennifer Aniston naked or Jessica Simpson’s chubby punani or more freaky shit waiting to be leaked! Via National Enquirer:

Revealed a close friend: “He told me his cell contains personal photos — and videos — of some of the famous women he’s dated.” Shuddered My Spy: “John’s just frantic over the missing phone. He hopes it’s lying on the bottom of the Hudson River!”

Given the history of John Mayer’s wandering penis, I’m not even gonna be surprised if they find pictures of my 55-year old Latin neighbor Consuelo all naked and shit. But seriously, who do we need to buy a beer for to get those damn naked pics???

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Date Posted: September 29, 2010 - 12:45 am by: Paris
Categories: Blake Lively

Apparently, we’re not the only one who wants a a piece of Blake Lively’s ass. It turns out Alec Baldwin wants a piece of this sexy-ass blonde and isn’t shy to let the whole world know that yeah, he basically wants to fuck her. Via Digital Spy:

“These younger girls, whether they get naked or not, are the biggest stars, who are the role models,” he told E! News. “I’m a big fan of [Blake Lively]. I think she’s a really really gorgeous woman, very stylish. These are the ones who have all the influence.”

I was about to give Baldwin a mental kick in the ass but then he proceeded to talk about Lindsay Lohan and glad we’re on the same team!

Baldwin added: “There are certain people who, I won’t name, but they are in and out of rehab, they’re getting arrested for drug use and they’re twittering about their drug problem – it’s a shame.

Here’s Blake Lively’s ass in tight jeans at some event. You know what else is a shame? I’ll never get to tap that ass!

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Date Posted: September 29, 2010 - 12:44 am by: Paris
Categories: Lindsay Lohan

Now that Lindsay Lohan’s ass is back in rehab, back to pretending she’s all about getting her twisted, lies, booze and drugs-infested life back in shape, expect Michael Lohan to do what all loving fathers do to show that they care about their child, go to interviews and cry out to world that somebody is weighing in on his hard-earned money, if by hard-earned money, the money he’s going to squeeze out of Lindsay’s pocket. Michael L is afraid that his ex-wife Dina Lohan and Lou Taylor, who assisted in the conservatorship of Britney Spears under his father Jamie Spears back in 2008, are secretly making their way into a conservatorship victory against him. Michael farts out, “Lou and Dina are trying to throw Lindsay in a rehab right now and get her out of the picture so they can get a conservatorship without her knowing,” he told RadarOnline.com. He is convinced that Dina will control everything in Lindsay’s life, her projects, her ratio of coke fix every morning and her finances adding, ‘They would control literally everything Lindsay does, what projects she has coming up, her finances and the people she sees-and that includes keeping me out of her life.’

I sincerely don’t know what the whole fuss is about. It’s not like Lindsay’s life will miraculously change if the conservatorship will be under her father’s control. If it’s in the hands of a Lohan, consider her life a walking timebomb!

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Date Posted: September 27, 2010 - 4:04 am by: Paris
Dayum! Two Lindsay Lohan posts in a day. I’m pretty sure there’s a side-effect to posting too much fuckery in one day. Anyfirecrotchway, these Lindsay Lohan heroin pictures have been circling around the web and reports say this happened back in 2007. It shows the ginger whore playing with a syringe and doing slutty poses infront of the camera.
That’s not all, who else would always be in attendance when it comes to  celebrity scandal but Paris Hilton. Seen in these thumbs is Parasite making out with Lindsay, an actual photographic evidence of a new upcoming strain of STD we all should watch out for!
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Date Posted: September 27, 2010 - 3:57 am by: Paris
Categories: Lindsay Lohan

Ever wonder if Lindsay Lohan is the fucking devil? Turns out the last laugh again goes to this vapid cokewhore because apparently she is getting out of jail on a $300,000 bail. Judge Fox earlier ruled out Lindsay could be held in jail without bail but it changed later today due to California law, that states defendants has the right to bail in misdemeanor cases. Via TMZ:

“Judge Patricia Schnegg, Assistant Supervising Judge for the L.A. County Criminal Courts, just threw Judge Fox’s bail decision out the window. Judge Schnegg has set bail at $300,000. Lindsay, who is in Lynwood Jail right now, should get out soon … probably in a few hours.”

Allow me to say what everyone else is thinking: This trial is horseshit. That’s what you expect from a family of Lohan’s. To no one’s consolation though, Lindsay Lohan’s ass is forced to wear a SCRAM bracelet once again which doesn’t mean shit ‘coz America’s Legal system rocks!

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Date Posted: September 27, 2010 - 3:53 am by: Paris
Categories: John Travolta

Once again, this gay issue about John Travolta is being stuck down to our throats by several gossip columns and I really don’t know why they are stating the obvious but everybody knows John Travolta is as queer as a three dollar bill and yes, he is indeed a sex addict and I can’t—wait what?! Hmm. Well, I can’t say he doesn’t come across as one as all those gays who hits on me at Walmart are.

And here’s where author Robert Randolph pops in the picture. Robert claims that Joh Travolta has an extreme case of loving the dick too much. He ran off to Enquirer to fart a story about how six dudes sent him an e-mail each confessing that they had fucky times with the actor adding, “I have no doubt that John Travolta is a sex addict. I’ve heard from many men who have either had gay sex with John or saw him having gay sex in health spas, steam rooms, locker rooms, you name it. I’ve gotten so many emails that I’m writing a second book titles ‘Tracking Travolta’ and I’ve got plenty of material.”

I’ve told someone this before and I’m telling it again, the only way he’s gonna be cured from Scientology is when his scientolohole gets plugged with the right aster-rod!

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Date Posted: September 24, 2010 - 2:29 am by: Paris
Categories: David Beckham

…and it’s David Beckham’s turn to wear the Cheater hat! Reports say that the British soccer star has been sexing a high-class whore named Irma on the down low back in 2007. Cue Posh Spice phoning E.T. to weep about this shit. In Touch Weekly reports:

‘Irma claims that after agreeing on a price of $10,000 to stay the night, the two spent the next hour engaged in steamy foreplay. Irma says she then “whipped out” a condom and the two had sex for 15 minutes, but it was “nothing freaky,” she remembers. “He was very gentle and kind.” On a scale of 1 to 10, Irma rates David a 7½ as a lover. “He knew what he was doing.” She also recalls that David used lotion from the hotel bathroom to pleasure himself. “It was perfumed, so it kind of burned him!”’

Beckham went all sentimental and opened up about her marriage life to Irma, saying that he’s actually a butt guy more than a bust guy, adding he likes Victoria’s body before she looked like E.T.’s long-lost sister. I mean could you blame the guy really? It’s prolly like munching on a bone in the sack with that boney-ass snob.

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