Date Posted: November 30, 2010 - 10:25 pm by: Paris
Categories: Lindsay Lohan

Lindsay Lohan is pissed off at the paps for making her life miserable everyday so she decided to slap each one of those scraggly bitches a lawsuit and a restraining order after they put her driving privilege in the gutter. Sources say that when whe was scheduled to get her keys, Betty Ford halted the idea and told her it’s too risky for her safety what with the paps always at her tail. Via TMZ:

But sources involved in the decision tell TMZ … just when Lindsay was supposed the get the keys, Betty Ford decided it was too much of a safety risk to put Lindsay behind the wheel, because the paparazzi were creating an unsafe driving situation.

We’re told Lindsay emailed her lawyer this weekend — with pictures attached showing the paps following her — asking the attorney to go to court for the restraining order.

In other news, Redbull and Coke just field a restraining order from Lindsay Lohan’s ass for abusing them on a regular basis.

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Date Posted: November 30, 2010 - 10:21 pm by: Paris
Categories: Khloe Kardashian

Who wants to know how Khloe Kardashian and that time someone popped her cherry? No I know you don’t want any of this but sit your ass down unless you have something useful to do. Didn’t think so! Well the monster of the Kardashian bunch went to The View to talk about her lost virginity and said it wasn’t a Yeti who devirginized her, but a way older guy, adding she did it just to be cool and not kicked out of the loop. Via Radar:

“I feel like I was almost conned, well not conned, but persuaded, because he was older and I felt I wouldn’t be accepted or cool or whatever.

“Then I do remember when I was done, I felt, after two months of secretly dating this guy, I felt so disgusted with myself. I stopped talking to him and actually didn’t have sex for three years after that because I knew I was young and I knew I wasn’t ready.”

I loved the fact that she said she was conned into having sex like that wasn’t at the top of her to-do list before turning sweet sixteen. I bet the one who felt conned was the guy who thought it was Kim Kardashian’s ass he was banging after she put on a disguise to lure him.

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Date Posted: November 29, 2010 - 12:30 am by: Paris
Categories: Eva Longoria Parker

Surprise! Tony Parker cheated on Eva Longoria’s ass with 7 other women! Well it looks like basketball isn’t the only sport this douchebage nozzle is playing. Because you got to admit it, cheating is a fun, physical sport—and then you get caught and the fun stops. Apparently, Tony Parker has enrolled himself in the Tiger Woods Academy of Whoremongering ‘coz dude got busted when Eva saw numerous texts and pics of girls naked on his phone, and in the sent items were pics of his junk for those bitches. Yeesh. Via National Enquirer:

Eva found naked photos of Erin Barry on Tony’s phone “Eva found not only sexual text messages, but graphic photos that Tony and Erin had been e-mailing each other,” a source told The Enquirer. “Erin had e-mailed pictures of her breasts and other body parts to Tony, and he’d sent her cell phone shots of his private parts.” The sexting had been going on since at least February, said the source.

He already admitted once that he sticked his peen into some other chick’s poon. that was the cue for Eva to leave his cheating ass. Moral lesson of the story girls, never trust a guy with an accent!

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Date Posted: November 29, 2010 - 12:29 am by: Paris
Categories: Taylor Swift

Country pop singer Taylor Swift has gotten her paws on another man–or it seems like it. The poor guy that could possibly in a lyrics in her heartbreak song in the future is none other than pretty boy Jake Gyllenhaal who we have seen hanging out with her all over town.

“Two days after enjoying maple lattes together in Brooklyn, N.Y., on Thanksgiving, Swift and Gyllenhaal popped up in the singer’s hometown of Nashville. On Saturday afternoon, the couple were spotted getting a late breakfast at Fido, a coffeehouse and café near Vanderbilt University and Music Row. “They were smiling and laughing. They were talking a lot and enjoying each other’s company,” fellow diner Elaina Mishu tells PEOPLE. “They didn’t look like [just] friends.”

I bet you this one won’t last for a month. A dead tree trunk has more personality than Taylor Swift that would send Jakey G missing the good ‘ol leapfrogging days in the Brokeback.

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Date Posted: November 26, 2010 - 12:22 am by: Paris
Categories: Capri Anderson

I know you guys have probably heard of the tale of Charlie Sheen, his stolen thousand-dollar watch and kleptomaniac hooker. Well here’s an update: The hooker, Capri Anderson, is not pushing through with her lawsuit anymore. She was suing Charlie’s ass for terrorizing her and threatening to kill her while she locked herself in the bathroom as she called the cops. When cops came they saw Charlie dozed-off broke-off his ass on the floor. A few days later, Sheen sued her for stealing his $165,000 Patek Philippe watch while Capri is suing him for not paying her $20,000 for her services that night. Did I lose you or something? I know, this is just a bunch of ho hum everyday Hollywood thing I don’t even know why I even bother telling you guys. Here’s the update via CNN:

“Walsh admitted to several people that she had in fact stolen a very expensive watch from Sheen, and that she had given the watch to a friend to hold,” the suit said. It was the disappearance of the Patek Philippe watch from Sheen’s hotel room that caused their evening to go bad last month, according to Sheen’s petition. “Sheen asked Walsh to return the watch, and when Walsh refused and falsely denied that she had taken the watch, Sheen became extremely upset,” the suit said. “Walsh then locked herself in the bathroom of the hotel room and refused to come out.” The lawsuit says that “At no time did Sheen assault, batter or threaten Walsh.”

Well there are two lessons to be learned from this story. 1, never trust a hooker and 2, haven’t you bitches learned not to mess with Charlie fucking Sheen?? Yeah, the same guy who ‘accidentally’ shot her ex-wife Kelly Preston in the leg. I’m just sayin’!

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Date Posted: November 26, 2010 - 12:01 am by: Paris
Categories: Brooke Hogan, Hulk Hogan

Well, shit just got creepier–Hulk Hogan married a clone of her daughter Brooke Hogan, or so he suggested on his Twitter page yesterday. It’s been a few years since hs divorce from Linda Hogan but I can tell it pretty much left some great damage to this guy’s head! Via St. Petersburg Times:

“It’s entirely possible that Hulk Hogan married Jennifer McDaniel over the weekend, given his Twitter proclivities and the fact they just got a marriage license a little while ago. “Sitting outside with my dogs and new awesome Mrs Hogan. the waves are crashing and life is beautiful. only positive vibes. like attracts like HH” Hogan wrote Saturday on his Twitter account, @HulkHogan4Real.”

Dayum. Can you imagine what it’s like in the couple’s bedroom? That would totally suck if he accidentally calls his new wife by her daughter’s name what with the creepy resemblance. But who’s to say that shit didn’t already happen? Wait–let me start all over again!

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Date Posted: November 25, 2010 - 12:54 am by: Paris
Categories: JWoww

Well this could be good news or bad news if you live in L.A, i guess it depends on your standards and what amount of self-dignity you have left. J-Woww’s tits is moving to California–Los Angeles in specific! Wait, but doesn’t this state have enough white trash already? Via TMZ:

“Sources close to the “Jersey Shore” star tell TMZ she’s been getting “lots of offers for modeling contracts and endorsements” on the West Coast … so she wants to relocate in order to consistently cash in on them. We’re told JWoww is in the market for a high rise apartment in L.A. — and she wants to be permanently settled in within the next couple of months.”

Well enjoy your days now, people of Los Angeles, soon enough this calamity will be hitting your town and don’t tell me I didn’t warn you! Where’s Arnold Swarchezenegger when you need a law that constitutes against other states dumping their garbage on other states??

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Date Posted: November 24, 2010 - 1:02 am by: Paris
Categories: Taylor Momsen

As we all know, Taylor Momsen is that under-aged rocker chick whose BFF is a vibrator and who loves flashing her barely legal tits at some of her concerts. So yeah, basically she’s a bad-ass, or tries desperately to be. Unfortunately, she’s not too bad-ass for the producers and director of the TV series Gossip Girl, specifically Tim Gunn who bluntly said in an interview that he thingks she’s pathetic among other things. Via Deadline Hollywood:

“Besides her barely-there wardrobe and expletive-laced tirades against peers such as Miley Cyrus, Momsen pissed off Project Runway’s Tim Gunn who played mentor to ‘Jenny” in an episode that aired last month. Gunn blasted Momsen for her lack of professionalism on the set. “What a diva,” he told E! News. “She was pathetic, she couldn’t remember her lines, and she didn’t even have that many. I thought to myself, ‘Why are we being held hostage by this brat?”

Well obviously, Taylor Momsen’s ass is heading to Lindsay Lohan lane. I shit you not, I’m pretty sure in less than a year this gothic-wannabe hoe will check herself in rehab and blame it all on her daddy issues and all kinds of bs. Tim Gunn better be careful with his words unless he wants to have a taste of a hellstorm of needles and pins in his body. You can’t be too careful with these voodoo bitches.

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Date Posted: November 24, 2010 - 1:02 am by: Paris
Categories: Christina Aguilera

There are some rumors circling around lately that Christina Aguilera divorced her husband/divorced by her husband Jordan Bratman because of a third-party. First, some nosy bitches said it was probably Lindsay Lohan’s ex-carpet muncher Samantha Ronson but now, reports are not only saying Christina Aguilera has cheated with that guy in the pic who’s a production assistant on her latest movie Burlesque, she’s also knocked up with his baby! Via Twirlit:

“A source tells PEOPLE that their relationship began as a friendship, but soon blossomed into something more, as Christina announced her divorce from husband, Jordan Bratman.

“It’s not serious yet, but it’s something she is exploring and finding comfort in,” the insider reports.  “It’s new and she’s taking it day by day.  She and Jordan were having problems for a long time.  What kept them together is their love for their son.  She met [Matthew] during a difficult time, and leaned on him as a friend.  After she and Jordan separated, the friendship turned romantic.”

Does anyone really care anymore at this point? She could be knocked up with Tiger Wood’s baby and it’s still old news. Though, I kinda doubt she’s got a baby brewing in her tummy. That’s just all the Doritos she munches on to drown the guilt. Welcome to showbiz fuckers!

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Date Posted: November 23, 2010 - 1:40 am by: Paris
Categories: Miley Cyrus

If you were wondering why your dogs keep howling last night, don’t wonder no more. It’s just the sound of the footsteps of pedophiles all over the world going to Pedobear’s house to celebrate another one of their National holidays. What, you haven’t heard? It’s Miley Cyrus’ birthday today!

Yep. That means you can now fap over Miley Cyrus’ titty slips, upskirts, sideboobs, ass candids and what have you–from now on! Me? I’m just waiting for this Disney slut’s sextape hidden somewhere. Good things to come fellas, good things to come.

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