Date Posted: December 7, 2010 - 12:41 am by: Paris
Categories: Chelsea Handler

Well it looks like the things that are comin’ out of Chelsea Handler’s mouth is as dirty as the things comin’ in. At a stand-up show in New Jersey, she appeared to be possessed  by the spirit of Jennifer Aniston where she called Angelina Jolie a wife stealer and a punani, among other things. Via Blemish:

“She’s a homewrecker, she is. She can rescue as many babies from as many countries as she wants to. I don’t f***ing believe you. She gives interviews, ‘I don’t have a lot of female friends.’ Cause you’re a f**king c**t … you’re a f***ing b***h.”

Funny how someone who got the fame from sleeping with a producer to get a show and releasing a sextape(which by the way damaged my retina) has the audacity to call Angelina Jolie a cunt and a bitch among other things. She should stick to what she knows best, like I don’t know, what does this old hag do again?

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Date Posted: November 19, 2010 - 12:34 am by: Paris
Categories: Heidi Montag

Because Heidi Montag is a big bowl of wtf and confusion, reports say she is now regretting that she allowed herself to be raped by a scalpel ontop of a surgeon’s operating table, specifically her deceased Dr. and the genuis who created Heidi Montag’s rack. Via The Fab Life:

“As the dead can’t talk back, Heidi’s blaming her late enabler, Dr. Frank Ryan, whom she called “the most amazing person I have ever known…an angel” when he died in August (a week before she announced it was impossible to work out with those boobs), for her poor choices. “It was a lot harder than I was led on by my doctor…I didn’t know how excessive it really was.”

I don’t know what that Spencer Twat is saying to this blonde bombshell for her to have these insecurities but can somebody sit this poor girl down and tell her that just because her fake husband is afraid of breasts, doesn’t mean that it’s evil. No Heidi it’s not true that those juicy monsters will suffocate you in your sleep.

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Date Posted: November 16, 2010 - 12:58 am by: Paris
Categories: Emma Watson

The British young hottie named Emma Watson who stars in Harry Potter movies as Hermione Granger doesn’t have any problems fitting in her new second home, the US where she’s currently trying to finish her major. Everybody loves Emma, well, maybe a little too much. Reports say there are photos of Emma Watson topless in the bathroom being circulated around campus via email and she is not amused at all. Via New York Daily News:

“Topless photos of the 20-year-old actress, who plays Hermione Granger in the successful film franchise, are making the rounds among students via e-mail, according to the Daily Mail. The photos in question allegedly show the actress wearing only a towel around her waist standing next to a hot tub.

“Emma is trying to seek out the source so she can put a stop to it,” a friend told the paper. “She says the picture has been faked.”

Now don’t get me wrong, as much as I got the hots for Emma Watson, I’m totally not aching for the fake photos. It’s obvious someone as classy as her won’t be posing naked in a bathroom. I would imagine she’d do it in a bed of gold coins or in a room of elegant and expensive china ware. That being said, don’t mess with my fantasy!

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Date Posted: November 12, 2010 - 1:04 am by: Paris
Categories: Kendra Wilkinson

It must be hard to be Kendra Wilkinson’s husband, ‘coz no matter how politely you suggest that she take her plump ass on the treadmill, bitch can’t take hints! Playboy just released their latest issue for the mag with Kendra Wilkinson’s tits on the cover in some Santa outfit which was taken two years ago, way before she had a baby. Well this was the cue for her husband Hank to give her a little mental nudge to get back to that body, but I don’t think it’s gonna happen buddy.

“He’s like, ‘I’m so proud of you! You look so good!’” Kendra, 25, told of her husband’s reaction at a signing event for Ab Cuts at a GNC store in L.A. “Even though that’s like, so long ago, I’m like ‘urghhhhhh!’” she added, doing a fist-pump move.

“I’m very happy, very honored to be on the cover with the old pictures,” cooed Kendra, who’s gotten married and had a son (Hank IV, nearly one) since that nude photo shoot.”

Well since Christmas is just around the block, maybe he should try other tactics. Like giving her that treadmill as a Christmas present. If that’s not too obvious enough, then I’m gonna go ahead and think she’s got to much bleach on her hair, it messed up that part of her brain that’s responsible for comprehension.

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Date Posted: October 12, 2010 - 2:15 am by: Paris
Categories: Danielle Radcliffe

Because hanging out with nerdy chicks with wands is getting kinda boring, Daniel Radcliffe has jumped on his broom and flew to greener pastures, with hotter chicks who know their way around a different kind of broom, in Broadway! Now that the young British actor is single, expect him to stick his meat rod in any chick willing to spread her legs infront of him because he’s either a stud in her eyes or she’s fulfilling some kind of childhood sex fantasy on wizards. Via Dazed & Confused:

“I’ve been in relationships from the age of 14 and now I’m single. I said to a friend the other day, ‘Dude, I’m doing a show with dancers. I’ve got to be single.’

“He was like, ‘Don’t sleep with anyone in your own show. That’s a mistake.’ It’s good advice. But I’m not sure I’ll stick to it.”

Well no shit, if you got the name and face for it why the hell be single. ‘Ya know? But wait a minute…was it girls he was talking about?

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Date Posted: September 13, 2010 - 1:54 am by: Paris
Categories: Paris Hilton
Take it from Paris Hilton to show you the right way to hide your drugs and not get caught by airport security. Apparently, Paris is the fuckin’ Houdini now and not as dumb as we thought. I wonder if I can get my gir lfriend to do this shit too but I mean, it might not work out since her snatch isn’t really a big storage room like Paris Hilton’s pussy! According to the new tell-all book by former Girls Gone Wild cameraman Ryan Simkin, ‘Hilton was leaving for Europe,’ and that he brought  her a little Camel cigarette box packed with cocaine and ecstasy.
“I asked if she was flying private, and she said, ‘No, commercial.’ And then as politely as I could, I asked her how she planned on traveling with that amount of blow and X,” Simkin writes in the book. “She held the box in her right hand, and then with an underhand swoop like a lower case J, she demonstrated exactly how she intended to beat airport security. She even whistled as she did it. A little alley-oop with the Camel Box, straight up her snatch. Classic.
So that’s how she got way past those drug-sniffing dogs. No self-respecting  dog would alow itself to have a whiff of this skeletal cokeslut’s mangy rotten punani! Now that Simkin has ratted out her trick, the next time the airport security should search is her asshole, that’s the second largest landfill next to her coochie.
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Date Posted: August 27, 2010 - 12:40 am by: Paris
Categories: Heidi Montag

Shortly after the news came out over the alleged Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt sextape, some sources are farting out this juicy detail that a Heidi Montag-Karissa Shannon sextape is just waiting to be unleashed from the fires of hell. Reports say that Spencer Twatt found the lesbian sex romp on video when he was moving out his things from their Malibu home.

Playboy Playmate Karissa Shannon is queefing that the said sextape does exist but she doubts Twat has got his filthy hands on it, but if he happens to have it and sells it for dick money, she’ll sue the hell outta him. Well if this shit is true, this is more I like it! I don’t need to sit my ass awkwardly infront of a sextape that has the mighty douchebag’s tiny pecker in it, though I’m pretty sure Vivid would pixelize it. What’s that you say? Yeaah asian porn-style, exactly!

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Date Posted: August 13, 2010 - 2:12 am by: Paris
Categories: Mischa Barton

When Mischa Barton isn’t smoking joints in parking lots or in various clubs that lets cellulite monsters inside, you can be certain that she’s smoking joints on a yacht in St. Tropez! I thought this hoe was already dead but anyway seeing her dangerous living-life-on-the-gutter-and-sometimes-fast-lane, it won’t be long ‘til she’s fit to star in a Courtney Love movie if some idiot decides to make one.

Well maybe scratch that, Taylor Momsen might cut a bitch for that role. But anywhore, some brilliant dick posted a pic of Mischa Barton smoking a joint and here are the stolen shots. While I should be scandalized with these pics, forget that. Why are the other girls in these pics doesn’t have a damn face! Or am I too stoned??

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Date Posted: August 9, 2010 - 12:54 am by: Paris
Categories: Fantasia Barino

File this shit under ‘When cheated-on wives get their payback’! American Idol’s Fantasia Barino has been doing illegal sexy times on the down low with a married man and a father of two named Antwaun Cook for quite some time. Now, Antwaun’s wife is putting their dirty-ass laundry out in the public, telling everyone how Fantasia stole her man and that she confronted her on the phone one time but bitch told her something out of a ghetto tv series saying, “”He don’t want you. Maybe the next time that you get a husband you’ll know how to keep him. That’s why he is here with me.”

Well it looks like that’s not the last time she would be hearing from Paula because North Carolina is a state that allows the wives to take their husband’s mistresses’ ass to court. And if that shit isn’t bad enough,  the American idol ebony chick might getting a call from Vivid Entertainment too because Paula has the whereabouts of Fantasia Barino sextape that she plans to leak. Well shit, if Paula is heartless enough to leak that mess, the world just found a workout tape that promises to make your tummy flat in one session ‘coz I’m sure Fantasia’s sex tape would be guaranteed to make you throw up for the first 3 minutes.

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Date Posted: August 4, 2010 - 1:30 am by: Paris
Categories: Lindsay Lohan

Since the world can’t function good without it’s daily does of Lindsay Lohan news, here’s another one to keep you up and running. Maxim released their latest issue feautring Lindsay Lohan’s freckled body in a striped bikini on the cover. Apparently, this was gingerwhore’s pre-jail photo-op for the magazine. And if that weren’t enough to make me want to rip the ears off a baby bunny, they took the coke out of her mouth and let her do a little interview that pretty much says she thinks she’s the second coming of Mother Theresa or something like that. Angelina Jolie will cut a bitch.

Asked what she wanted to do with her life this year, Lindsay queefed, “To focus on myself and my work and to move all press on me to focus on the work I do. Also, I’d like to do more work in India and travel to Malawi,” Actually this sounds like a great idea. She’d fit right in the Malawi tribe. Heard they need a skinned goat to offer to their gods every full moon.

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