With all these sob stories about Hollywood divorces, it’s time to move on to lighter, happier things, such as Jennifer Aniston’s punani. Apparently, a few lucky gardeners had the priviledge to take a peek at her gaping vajayjay when they came in to work earlier than their usual schedule. A naked Jennifer Aniston was doing her daily yoga routine when the gardeners spotted her in a revealing pretzel pose! Via National Enquirer:
“The Switch” star, never dreaming her lawn-keepers might switch their usual noon arrival time, arose bright and early to work her buff bod in the buff, said a source- even opening windows to the morning breeze. But just as she’d twisted her limbs up into one of yoga’s most physically-demanding poses, Jen suddenly spotted workmen staring wide-eyed as they walked past- and emitted a scream so frightening they ran and hid in the bushes.”
When I first heard of this story I lol’ed and then I WTF’ed. How can this be true? If this shit were real and she’s able to do all kinds of pretzel flexes and what not, then bitch wouldn’t be single for so many years now! My widowed grandma gets more peen than her in the nursing home just by doing thumb flexes in her wheel chair. Just sayin’!
We’re all familiar with Lisa Rinna’s overly-sexed lips right? If you’re new to the game, just imagine a gay dude’s asshole after being gangfucked by sea lions. That’s exactly how fuckin’ swollen and fug her lips are. Well, not anymore! Bitch has finally come to her senses and decided to have it reduced ‘coz she claims her old lips are stealing the spotlight from her.
Via The Today Show:
“I did it because I no longer wanted my lip to define me.”
While I totally commend her for doing the right thing, she should’ve gotten a face transplant while she was at it. Her face looks like a pack of centaurs went on a stampede and shit on her face. Repulsive.
That’s right. It’s pretty slow today so I figured Jennifer Aniston’s tits might help with things around here. That and the fact that John Fucking Mayer is rumored to possibly motorboating those puppies again. Sources say that Jen was spotted backstage to Douchebag Mayer’s concert-thingy in Atlanta and then sneaked off to a private party in his hotel room.
Jen was in work-out clothes and had a baseball cap pulled low over her face when she visited with John backstage after his performance, a source tells RadarOnline.com. “She looked gorgeous and seemed to be really enjoying herself. She and John laughed a lot.” Afterward, Jen and John and several people connected with his tour all went back to her hotel, The Ritz-Carlton, where he rented a private suite for an impromptu party.
While I think John Mayer is the biggest dick in the music industry figuratively speaking, you can’t stop a cougar from getting hers!