If you’re a nosy fucker like me who likes following celebrity divorces and want to be in the know on the hot vulnerable Hollywood bombshells in need of a rebound fuck, then here’s an update on Eva Longoria’s separation from douchebag Tony Parker. Reports are saying that Tony was jealous of Mario Lopez, of all people, and that put a strain on their marriage as wekk as the fact that he banged 7 other whore son the side. Via National Enquirer:
“Eva thought she’d found the perfect man in Tony, but in the end he deceived her, lied to her and broke her heart,” a close source told The Enquirer. Tony was also rumored to be secretly seeing another women in France besides Alexandra Paressant. Despite his cheating, Tony was extremely jealous of Eva’s close friendship with Mario Lopez, insiders say. “Tony never liked or trusted Mario,” said a source. “He called him ‘the pretty boy actor who’s mad that he can’t have my wife.’
I call bullshit on this one. Everyone knows Mario Lopez is as straight as the Tom Cruise’s crystal dildo so what the fuck dude? If you’re tired of humping on Eva Longoria’s punani everyday then just say so. But don’t go telling buddies that you’re jealous a gay dude might bang your wife. So grow some fuckin’ balls, and pardon my french!
|Categories:||Eva Longoria Parker|
Surprise! Tony Parker cheated on Eva Longoria’s ass with 7 other women! Well it looks like basketball isn’t the only sport this douchebage nozzle is playing. Because you got to admit it, cheating is a fun, physical sport—and then you get caught and the fun stops. Apparently, Tony Parker has enrolled himself in the Tiger Woods Academy of Whoremongering ‘coz dude got busted when Eva saw numerous texts and pics of girls naked on his phone, and in the sent items were pics of his junk for those bitches. Yeesh. Via National Enquirer:
Eva found naked photos of Erin Barry on Tony’s phone “Eva found not only sexual text messages, but graphic photos that Tony and Erin had been e-mailing each other,” a source told The Enquirer. “Erin had e-mailed pictures of her breasts and other body parts to Tony, and he’d sent her cell phone shots of his private parts.” The sexting had been going on since at least February, said the source.
He already admitted once that he sticked his peen into some other chick’s poon. that was the cue for Eva to leave his cheating ass. Moral lesson of the story girls, never trust a guy with an accent!
What with all the bad news going on right now, e.g. Miranda Kerr knocked up, Megan Fox getting hitched, it’s nice to know life isn’t so much of a bitch after all. The good news is, Rachel Weisz ass is back in on the market! The brunette bombshell from The Mummy and Constantine just separated after 9 fucking years! Geezus…I can’t even stand seeing the same chick after one night, let alone 9 years. Via TMZ:
“Reps for the former couple tell TMZ, “Rachel Weisz and Darren Aronofsky have been separated for some months. They remain close friends and are committed to raising their son together in NYC.” Sources tell us the couple will seek joint custody of their 4-year-old Henry Chance.”
I’ve always thought Rachel Weisz is one of the hottest things that ever walked Hollywood and I’m sticking by it. So Rachel, baby, if you’re hearing me…let’s give lust love a second chance. Also, I’d prefer you don’t make a mess leaving my mom’s basement in the morning. K thanks.
Well this is gonna suck balls. Apparently, Katy Perry isn’t as fun as her titties make her look bcause it turns out she’s one of those bridezillas who loves imposing shit before the wedding. In this case, she’s not letting her sex-addict fiance Russel Brand stick his hairy peen in her mud pie until their wedding night. Via Sunday Mirror:
“Katy wants everything to be special for their wedding, including the first night. The sex ban was definitely her idea. “Russell has reluctantly agreed, and they are sure it will be worth it after they have tied the knot.” The couple are reportedly heading to India later this month to wed in a traditional Hindu ceremony.”
You gotta love how she slapped him with a no-sex rule, trying her best to look like a Catholic when a. she’s going to have a Hindu wedding anyway and b. she’s not a damn virgin anymore. I mean if Katy Perry’s ass doesn’t want Russel Brand anymore all she has to do is to tell it to his face. Not put the poor guy in a bait he’ll obviously fall into. We’re talking about a guy who eats punani three times a day plus midnight snack and everytime with his coffee, ofcourse he’ll stick his wang into another girl’s punani that’s not Katy Perry’s.
Because Twit and Twat thinks everybody is stupid enough to fall into their fakery, they announced to everyone that they will no longer push through with the divorce. Heidi Montag’s tits figured they needed someone to rub baby oil in it when days get too dry and Spencer Twat is the only one willing. Via TMZ:
“As we previously reported, Heidi called off her divorce from Spencer — and as a symbol of their (unfortunately) undying love, Speidi fed each other s’mores that they’d cooked over an inferno of legal docs.
Heidi tells TMZ she was waiting for Spencer to make her his top priority: “All I ever wanted was to know that Spencer loved me more than he loved all this other nonsense.”
Spencer then went out of his way to the bookstore and consulted a Hallmark card and replied, “Through everything it’s been Heidi’s love that kept me grounded. Realizing my behavior was pushing her away was a terrifying wake-up call. I’ve still got a long way to go to repair the trust, but I hope with continued self improvement, our relationship will be stronger than ever.” How fucking touching. Wake me up when these two finally fake their deaths.
Well apparently even real masculine-looking guys who gets to bang the hottest chick on the planet still stray away from the jugs to go fantasize aover A-lister actors’ dicks. I’m talking about Penelope Cruz’s long-time fiancée, award-winning actor Javier Bardem’s man-crush for Brad Pitt. He said in an interview with Elle that he thinks Brad Pitt’s beauty is desirable and his ‘physicality is so amazing to see’. Basically, Javier is implying that he finds Brad’s body as tasty as a burrito with red hot chili salsa.
I don’t know about you but after reading the interview, I sense Tom Cruise is already in the works writing a Brokeback Mountain 2 script using a pen attached to his asshole. But seriously, I’m not sure where these homo-erotic comments of Javier are coming from but the only way I could approve of a Javier Bardem-Brad Pitt sextape is if Penelope Cruz is also in it.
If you were expecting to see Jennifer Lopez tits in American Idol as one of the judges, well, I hate to be the motherfucker to break this you but your wet dreams aren’t coming true, thanks to FOX and their over-sensitive cheapo asses. People is saying that the Latina mamacita has been axed from the show after her demands got way too much too handle.
Jennifer Lopez was supposed to be a permanent judge on American Idol for its upcoming 10th season but ‘FOX just had enough’, the nosy source went on to say. Well geeze, what kind of demands Jennifer Lopez’s ass is asking for that FOX decided to quit the bitch? In Jen’s defense though, I think asking for a tomb to be put in her dressing room isn’t too much to ask. I mean Marc Anthony should be needing a lounging area whenever he visits the wife. Those heartless bastards…
Well if you’re black and love to give golden showers, and if you’re name is Reggie Bush, then this is good news for you! Some source close to Kim Kardashian’s ass is saying that she and Cowboys wide receiver Miles Austin whom she has been going out with for 2 months has finally quit bumping privates. The source went on to say that Kim K enjoys trying different dicks wants to be single and date around and has no plans to attend the upcoming team’s season opener in Dallas.
So basically, the nosy source is saying she doesn’t want to do shit with Miles Austin no more. I have no idea why. The guy looks better and more decent than Bush but then again, I guess the question always comes to, ‘but does he like peeing on her badonkadonk?’ You don’t pee, I flee!
It’s good to know that despite the chaos and instability we have in this world, there are still two things we can rely on. One, that McDonalds will always ask if you would like to upgrade your meal and two, that Mel Gibson and Oksana Grigorieva will refuse to quit the bitch! And by bitch, I meant the whole of humanity!
Looks like the war is far from over because TMZ is reporting that the Russian baby mama’s lawyer and the Los Angeles Sherrif Department met up recently to discuss the mediation agreement she had with Mr. Blowjob. Both parties aren’t saying much because they legally can’t but TMZ has the details and here’s what it basically sums up:
*the investigators on the case are balls-deep all-ears in the claims that Oksana is queefing out now but didn’t during the mediation
*Oksana had a sudden memory lapse, never mentioning the fact that she thinks Mel G was a threat to their baby, also that Mel threatened to have a killing spree on her, Alexander, Lucia and will pull an American Beauty scene where he also kills himself in the end.
*She also never produced a photo of Mel’s fist mark on her face
In addition to these, the investigators are asking about Oksana’s messages to Mel during the mediation telling him she turned dj and made a remix of his outbursts because he was being neglectful of her needs. Mel’s camp is saying they got solid evidence that the Russian baby mama is basically putting a price tag on the tapes, as all gold-digging bitches do, according to their universal protocol. And here’s the part where we all say…Nuh uh???! There’s no way in hell Oksana could be extorting money from Mel! That’s like saying all Jews eat spaghetti with bacon strips instead of meatballs on the day of the birth of Christ when they actually should be eating whatever Jews eat where come night time the men would ask oral from the women and wait—where was I going with this? Git that money bitch!
It looks like Twit and Twat are still up to their old tricks and scheming for the another fuckery to pull out next because to no one’s surprise, Spencer Pratt was seen hiding in Heidi Montag’s tits, err I mean house despite each other’s statements that they have already separated.
“I saw Spencer, he seems really normal. He actually showed us his new project he’s working on,” Stone told RadarOnline.com. “He showed us a clip of the movie. I thought it was really funny. I think it’s about a lifeguard that’s trying to get girls. And the lifeguard is kinda of like a douche-bag type of guy, not too cool.”
Stone, who watched the clip with both Heidi and Spencer, says she has no idea if a reconciliation between the two are in the works but “she didn’t even know they were going through a divorce” based on their hanging out session.
Jeezus, these two vermins just won’t quit will they? While Heidi Montag is the dumbest, most annoying hoe in town, shamefully I won’t kick her ass out of bed. Spencer, on the other hand, is some children of the corn shit who will only be silenced using a can of gasoline and a matchstick.