Looks like Katy Perry is totally dickmatized by Russel Brand’s dong because on The Ellen DeGeneres Show today she told Ellen that say she is determined to change her last name to brand. Katy Brand? It doesn’t have a jingle on it anymore! Damn you Russel Brand! You already have Katy Perry’s tits, you selfish basterd! Via Us Magazine:
“If I’m at an event or something like that and [someone] want[s] special attention. They go, ‘”Mrs. Brand!’ and I go shwoosh,” the singer said, turning her head to demonstrate. Ellen DeGeneres then asked if she’s making that official. “Yes, I am actually,” Perry said. “I’m in the process.”
Whatever. She’s still gonna be Katy Perry to me. It’s kinda hard to rub one out when she’s Katy Brand in your head. Makes you visualize shagging Katy with Russel Brand watching on the corner of the room. Yep, exactly! Just like that on the pic above! Yeesh.
It’s kinda funny to think that someone still thinks people are still interested in seeing Jennifer Lopez’s ass. I mean sure that’s some hot shit…10 years ago! That douchebag is none other than Jennifer Lopez’s ex-husband Ojani Noa who’s spent most of his life after they divorced trying to put her life into a living hell, releasing stuff to ruin her reputation. Thankfully, having a million dollar lawyer helps silence that bitch–for a few while ‘til it finds another hole. This time, we’re talking about Jennifer Lopez’s punani. No pun! Via Radar:
“JLo is riding a scooter in public in Cuba, while talking to the camera and numerous by-standers, with her privates in as plain view as Paris Hilton, Britany Spears and Lindsay Lohan have in the past,” said Ed Meyer, a rep for Lopez’s ex-hubby. “This is among other nudity on her part in the now 21 hours of home movies, that we have so far recovered.”
Jennifer Lopez’s cooter on a scooter. Now who would’ve thought that would still make headlines? Wow this tool has a lot of time on his hands. If he would just divert all that time and energy in trying to get a sextape with someone actually news-worthy like say my future wife Adriana Lima, then he would get that credit he’s been jizzing over for the past 100 years. But until none of that isn’t happening, he needs to get a clue and move the eff on.
|Categories:||Eva Longoria Parker|
It’s been awhile we haven’t heard anything about Eva Longoria and it’s pretty sad it’s got to be news about her marriage life. Reports are saying the Desperate Housewife hottie is actually desperate in trying to avoid her husband Tony Parker because rumors have been circulating that they are both trying to get a divorce. Via E!:
“She was supposed to be one of the many celebs to appear at the taping of Anderson Cooper’s CNN Heroes of 2010 television special but she canceled over the weekend.
Could it have to do with husband Tony Parker and whispers that there’s trouble between them? A rep for the Desperate Housewives star declined to confirm or deny her CNN cancellation, asking that we send an email requesting comment. Asked if Eva and Tony have split, the rep remained mum.”
Well this only makes sense. If you guys remember, Eva divorced Tyler Christopher from General Hospital after their marriage of two years so we’re seeing a pattern here. Let’s hope it’s not because she cheated on him with their young, hot gardener.
The newly-married Californian popstar is reportedly turning down offers to go naked on magazine spreads, Playboy to be specific. Her close friends say that she’s just the cock-teaser type, enjoys playing it sexy but she’ll stop at that, ‘coz her goodies aren’t comin’ out anytime soon. Wow. Damn. All these cock teasing this annoying hoe has thrown our way is nothing but that, cockteasing! Via Radar:
“The newly-minted Mrs. Russell Brand confessed to British Cosmopolitan magazine that she enjoys playing the sexy card because “it’s fun and it’s definitely in my deck.”
She’s more a Dita Von Teese kind of girl, Katy says. “I won’t be doing a Playboy spread.”
Somebody sit Katy Perry’s ass infront of the tv and make her watch Dita Von Teese’s lesbian sex tape and maybe that might change her perception of what kind of stripper Dita Von Teese is. Besides, Katy Perry naked is a better view than seeing her in barbie whore clothes.
Well it looks like Christina Aguilera is handling the divorce with Jordan Bratman pretty well because reports say that Christina and Nicole was spotted over the weekend on a double date with the Madden brothers at the Soho House. The said source went far as to tell us that both she and Benji have been hooking up a lot since the break-up for the steamy rebound sex. Via Hollywood Life:
“While it may just be a “sex thing” now, our source also claims Christina, 29, and Benji, 31, may be more than just a hookup. “Benji has met Christina’s son and he even wanted her to move in with him. She said no, but not in a bad way.”
Woah woah woah, wait a minute! What about the Lindsay Lohan-Samantha Ronson threesome she kinda mentally promised us soon? Fine…maybe a swinger couple with the new crowd would do. What do you suggest fellas?
Bad news today fellas. Vanessa Minnillo’s sweet knockers are engaged to Jessica Simpson’s ex-husband! Reports say Nick popped the question to Vanessa on a beach in California with an Asscher-cut diamond with baguettes from Bader & Garrin. Via People:
“On Thursday afternoon, Lachey took to Twitter to write, “Hey all. If anyone’s heard the rumors of my engagement, they are absolutely true! Vanessa and I couldn’t be happier. Thanks for all the love.”
“They are very happy,” the source adds. “They make each other happy.”
I’m not a genuis really but either Vanessa is marrying him for love or she has absolutely zero friends to tell her that she has lost her fuckin’ mind and that Nick Lachey is broke and has been living off the huge payout he got from his divorce. I think it’s only polite for Vanessa to send Jessica a basket of flowers and thank her for the lovely ring. Just sayin’!
Because a husband stealer like LeAnn Rimes respects the sanctity of marriage, reports are saying the blonde hoe is now engaged with her actor boyfriend Eddie Cibrian. Damn, the punani must be THAT great! Via E! NEws:
“Though it didn’t happen on Halloween, the recently divorced actor indeed popped the question recently and the duo are engaged, a source tells E! News. So no wonder Brandi Glanville wants to have a civil sit-down with her kids’ future stepmom…” Glanville, who has two children with Cibrian, told E! News today that she planned to meet with her sworn enemy pal-in-the-making next week.”
Apparently, Douchebag Cibrian’s ex wife is queefing that she’s planning to meet up with LeAnn Rimes’ homewrecker ass to who know why and I’m also not sure if the police are going to be in the wings when this shit happens. I don’t know Brandi personally but if she and I have the same IQ level, I’d slap the squinty out of LeAnn’s eyes to set the bitch straight. Just sayin’!
Still don’t believe Zac Efron is in the same specie as Kanye West, as in a gay fish? Well here’s a reason you might want to take. Some nosy source fr om National Enquirer is saying the hot High School Musical bombshell Vanessa Hudgens is crushed upon learning from one of their mutual friends who’s also in the same cast that the wedding bells and the doves sluttering ontop of her head will forever remain a space bubble because Zac isn’t plannign to marry her ass after all. Uh, color me fucking duh. Via National Enquirer:
Zac Efron’s longtime sweetie Vanessa Hudgens was abruptly blindsided by “Huge” star Nikki Blonsky’s vicious prediction that Zac will NEVER make her Mrs.Z! Blonsky, Zac’s “Harispray” cast mate and best bud, was asked by TV host Wendy Williams if the couple might marry- and the audience gasped when she meowed: “NO!, Love you girl, but it ain’t happening…It’s the truth…I know him real well!”
Somebody wake up Vanessa and tell her that unless she’s got a 9-inch wang or he’s dressed up as the flower girl, Zac won’t be meeting her at the altar.
You think you hate Orlando Bloom now? Well here’s another reason to hate him even more. It wasn’t even more than a month Miranda Kerr’s ass married Orlando B. and now sources are saying that the Victoria’s Secret Supermodel is already knocked up!
Us Weekly says:
“She’s definitely pregnant… Miranda’s thrilled,” says a source close to the Australia native, who wed the actor, 33, at an undisclosed location — reportedly in the Caribbean — less than a month after revealing their engagement on June 21. “She’s telling all her friends, mostly other models, about it.”
While the pal says no official announcement will be made, the couple of three years’ big news will be hard to keep hidden.
“She poses in lingerie,” says the friend of Kerr, who has modeled for Victoria’s Secret since 2007. “It will be obvious soon enough.”
As much as I want to pull out the lucky bastard’s testicles, you got to give the guy credit. He went from being a sissy elf, to a sissy pirate to the fucking king of men who got to impregnate the hottest chick on the planet. Sonofabitch.
That eclipse you’ve seen earlier this morning isn’t really an eclipse but Kim Kardashian’s ass hanging out at the beach. Jeezus…you could migrate a whole country on that massive ass. It’s a given, we all want that, need that in our lives but there’s someone who’s begging for it more than the rest of us, and it’s none other than Kim K’s ex-boyfriend Reggie Bush.
Life & Style reports:
Life & Style has learned that since Reggie Bush and Kim Kardashian called it quits back in March, he’s been desperate to contact the reality star. “Reggie realized Kim was the one and said he was finally ready to get married,” an insider tells Life & Style. “But after months of being single, Kim’s realized Reggie wasn’t the one, and now she’s moved on.” In fact, Kim is happier than ever with new beau, Dallas Cowboys wide receiver Miles Austin.
“Ever since Reggie found out about Miles, he’s been going crazy sending Kim lots of nasty e-mails. She just ignores them,” the insider continues. “Reggie has unsuccessfully tried to reach out to Miles. Kim always intended on staying friends with Reggie — but now he doesn’t want to let her move on.”
But does Miles Austin do golden showers? That is the question that I’m afraid the answer is also a FUCK YEAH to. Wake me up when the vid comes out!