Date Posted: November 30, 2010 - 10:25 pm by: Paris
Categories: Lindsay Lohan

Lindsay Lohan is pissed off at the paps for making her life miserable everyday so she decided to slap each one of those scraggly bitches a lawsuit and a restraining order after they put her driving privilege in the gutter. Sources say that when whe was scheduled to get her keys, Betty Ford halted the idea and told her it’s too risky for her safety what with the paps always at her tail. Via TMZ:

But sources involved in the decision tell TMZ … just when Lindsay was supposed the get the keys, Betty Ford decided it was too much of a safety risk to put Lindsay behind the wheel, because the paparazzi were creating an unsafe driving situation.

We’re told Lindsay emailed her lawyer this weekend — with pictures attached showing the paps following her — asking the attorney to go to court for the restraining order.

In other news, Redbull and Coke just field a restraining order from Lindsay Lohan’s ass for abusing them on a regular basis.

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Date Posted: September 21, 2010 - 12:53 am by: Paris
Categories: Lindsay Lohan

Surprise! Lindsay Lohan failed test 2!  Ohh you gotta love this. After Lindsay’s cocaine test came out positive just a few days ago, reports are flying around that her ampethamine test turned out positive too! *GONG!* TMZ confirms this big bowl of Hoorah!

‘Lindsay Lohan’s probation has been revoked and a bench warrant issued for her arrest … TMZ has learned. Although the bench warrant was issued, it’s being held — i.e., on hold — until Friday at 8:30 AM, when Lindsay is ordered to appear in court. The move by Judge Elden Fox comes after TMZ’s story … that Lindsay failed two drug tests recently … one showed the presence of cocaine and another showed amphetamines. The probation report — outlining the failed tests — was just filed with the court.’

In addition to this, her terms of probation says that if she failed a drug test, she’ll be spending 30 days back in the chokey, which means she’ll now be spending 60 days after failing the second one.  Well, all I can say to this is…RUN, bitch, RUN!!!

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Date Posted: September 13, 2010 - 1:54 am by: Paris
Categories: Paris Hilton
Take it from Paris Hilton to show you the right way to hide your drugs and not get caught by airport security. Apparently, Paris is the fuckin’ Houdini now and not as dumb as we thought. I wonder if I can get my gir lfriend to do this shit too but I mean, it might not work out since her snatch isn’t really a big storage room like Paris Hilton’s pussy! According to the new tell-all book by former Girls Gone Wild cameraman Ryan Simkin, ‘Hilton was leaving for Europe,’ and that he brought  her a little Camel cigarette box packed with cocaine and ecstasy.
“I asked if she was flying private, and she said, ‘No, commercial.’ And then as politely as I could, I asked her how she planned on traveling with that amount of blow and X,” Simkin writes in the book. “She held the box in her right hand, and then with an underhand swoop like a lower case J, she demonstrated exactly how she intended to beat airport security. She even whistled as she did it. A little alley-oop with the Camel Box, straight up her snatch. Classic.
So that’s how she got way past those drug-sniffing dogs. No self-respecting  dog would alow itself to have a whiff of this skeletal cokeslut’s mangy rotten punani! Now that Simkin has ratted out her trick, the next time the airport security should search is her asshole, that’s the second largest landfill next to her coochie.
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Date Posted: June 8, 2010 - 3:04 am by: Paris
Categories: Chace Crawford

Gossip Girl’s hottie Chace Crawford was allegedly arrested this morning when cops found one unlight joint in his car in Texas. One effin joint? Really? This is some kind of joke…right?

TMZ reports:

Crawford was arrested just after midnight this morning for possession of marijuana under 2 ounces. The charge is a misdemeanor. Crawford was busted in the parking lot of Ringo’s Pub. Sources say Crawford was in a car with a friend when he was busted and cops found one unlit joint.

Geezus…I can’t imagine what happened to that one dude that was arrested for 5 grams of coke just last week but if you get a mugshot and a bail for one joint then I guess it’s safe to say there was a lot of tasering and a dozen police cars on that guy’s ass. Remind me to never again enter Texas when my pimp mode is on.

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Date Posted: May 31, 2010 - 3:14 am by: Paris
Categories: Tila Tequila

To the two of you who cares, last week Tila Tequila’s tits were reported to join Celebrity Rehab because the producers think it would make the show more interesting if they threw in a troll with big tits who loved munching on ecstasy. Yep, ecstasy. Color me fuckin’ surprised.

Radar reports:

Another source close to the star of A Shot At Love With Tila Tequila told RadarOnline.com that Tila liked to do Ecstacy with then-fiancée Casey Johnson during their short-lived relationship, and they often got high together.

“The night they first went public together on the red carpet, they were both high on E (ecstasy),” the source told RadarOnline.com.

“Casey only did drugs around Tila.” Ecstasy is a love drug that club kids have used since the 90s.

While there may be a 50-50 chance that Tila Tequila may recover from her ecstasy addiction, sadly there is nothing anyone can do about this vapid gremlin’s addiction for attention which is beyond terminal stage.

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Date Posted: May 24, 2010 - 3:01 am by: Paris
Categories: Lindsay Lohan

If you haven’t had your daily dose of Lindsay Lohan fuckery, then sit back and relax and let me  leave your daily fix on the table for you. Apparently, TMZ obtained a pic of Smeagol’s long lost-sister posing with a couple of bitches, and on the table shows a line of coke waiting for Lindsay to have her way with them. Well guess what, she’s putting out her innocent face on this crap because she’s claiming that she has been set-up. Ofcourse.

Radar reports:

When reached by RadarOnline.com and asked to tell us what the white powder is, Lindsay at first replied: “What!??”
RadarOnline.com directed her to look at the photo and the white powder on the table in front of her.

Lindsay then told RadarOnline.com: “That’s a set up that’s so untrue.”
She is with friends in the photo and named a person who she thinks set her up (RadarOnline.com is withholding the name.) She also said in an email exchange with RadarOnline.com that she didn’t know the powder was on the table.

Yes, yes we all know you’ve been set up, Lindsay, just like you’ve been set up when you forgot to wear your pants in that pic. Here’s another shot of Lindsay loving a different kind of crack…

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