Since everyone(and by everyone, I mean those ginger-loving sick fucks who gets off by seeing freckled juvenile carpet munchers) have been talking about Lindsay Lohan and her misdaventures in the jailward, Paris Hilton’s tits thought it was time to up her game to get her foot back in the fame door by all means, and she did it with the help of her new boyfriend, nightclub tycoon Cy Waits.
Reports say the two got thrown in the chokey in Las Vegas the other night when the popos caught a whiff of what smelled like marijuana coming out of the window of her boyfriend’s Escalade, and when they checked her purse—surprise!—a small bag of the powdery shit was found in her bag. The two assholes were detained for a few hours in Clark Country Detention Center on suspicion of cocaine possession but was later released without bail. Meanwhile, Parasite Hilton hired Vegas lawyer David Chernoff who released a statement that says, “Paris Hilton was released this morning on her own recognizance. This matter will be dealt with in the courts not in the media and I encourage people not to rush to judgment until all of the facts have been dealt with in a court of law. There will be no interviews and no more comments at this time.” So relax fellas, the interviews will be after Paris has crawled from under his desk.
Here’s the Lindsay Lohan mugshot we’ve all been waiting for. Ha! Bitch, you got served! Okay, okay actually, we got served. And to tell you how, here’s AP to explain this foolery:
Department spokesman Steve Whitmore says Lohan is likely to be released on Aug. 1 or 2. The projected release date reflects all the credits Lohan is likely to receive.
The department has said the actress was likely to serve a quarter of her sentence or less.
But I mean, really now, are you even surprised that this is news? Did you honestly believe that this cokeslut’s wild times would be over that quick? If anything, jail time for her would be like a creative class. She could learn how to munch on a vadge better, pick up new effective ways to hide drugs and maybe learn how to tattoo FUCK U on her finger for real.