Remember the Christina Aguilera pics that were leaked earlier this week? Some of you doubted it was her well boo ya motherfuckers, it is her! Not like I really care but arguments like this about almost naked chicks over a beer are what makes the rest of my weekend so listen up! Via Celebslam:
“The photos of Christina Aguilera being leaked to the press were illegally obtained by a hacker who tapped into Christina’s personal stylist’s account. The photos were taken in the privacy of Ms. Aguilera’s home and were used only in a personal exchange between the star and her stylist.”
So wait, she fucked her stylist too?? Dayum. What below-average nobody does she not fuck?
There are some rumors circling around lately that Christina Aguilera divorced her husband/divorced by her husband Jordan Bratman because of a third-party. First, some nosy bitches said it was probably Lindsay Lohan’s ex-carpet muncher Samantha Ronson but now, reports are not only saying Christina Aguilera has cheated with that guy in the pic who’s a production assistant on her latest movie Burlesque, she’s also knocked up with his baby! Via Twirlit:
“A source tells PEOPLE that their relationship began as a friendship, but soon blossomed into something more, as Christina announced her divorce from husband, Jordan Bratman.
“It’s not serious yet, but it’s something she is exploring and finding comfort in,” the insider reports. “It’s new and she’s taking it day by day. She and Jordan were having problems for a long time. What kept them together is their love for their son. She met [Matthew] during a difficult time, and leaned on him as a friend. After she and Jordan separated, the friendship turned romantic.”
Does anyone really care anymore at this point? She could be knocked up with Tiger Wood’s baby and it’s still old news. Though, I kinda doubt she’s got a baby brewing in her tummy. That’s just all the Doritos she munches on to drown the guilt. Welcome to showbiz fuckers!
Well it looks like Christina Aguilera is handling the divorce with Jordan Bratman pretty well because reports say that Christina and Nicole was spotted over the weekend on a double date with the Madden brothers at the Soho House. The said source went far as to tell us that both she and Benji have been hooking up a lot since the break-up for the steamy rebound sex. Via Hollywood Life:
“While it may just be a “sex thing” now, our source also claims Christina, 29, and Benji, 31, may be more than just a hookup. “Benji has met Christina’s son and he even wanted her to move in with him. She said no, but not in a bad way.”
Woah woah woah, wait a minute! What about the Lindsay Lohan-Samantha Ronson threesome she kinda mentally promised us soon? Fine…maybe a swinger couple with the new crowd would do. What do you suggest fellas?
If it wasn’t enough to hear Christina Aguilera getting it on with Samantha Fucking Ronson, here’s another rumor that’s almost as equally fucked up. Some sources are saying Christina was a battered wife. Reports are claiming that the slutty clown came into Cedars-Sinai Medical Center with her mouth bleeding out of a busted-up lip. Her estranged husband Jordan Bratman told the nurses she had fallen down. Some witness-type hoes are also farting that they say Christina with bumps and red bruises along with her bloodied lip. Via Radar:
“Shortly after they arrived to Cedars, Christina’s ‘private surgeon’ arrived to put a few stitches in her lip,” the source added.
Adding to the mystery of why the singer needed treatment, on October 12, she was photographed wearing a hat pulled down over her face with what appears to be a small cut below her lower lip. That is the same day that she and Bratman announced the end of their five-year marriage, citing “irreconcilable differences.”
I highly doubt this soft sensitive-looking mole man could even hurt an ant in the ground, let alone his wife. But let’s say he turned Ike Turner on her, in his defense, he probably snapped and blacked out. The poor guy probably had enough of seeing Krusty the Clown everytime Christina gets done with her make-up.
Since the news of Christina Aguilera and Jason Bratman divorce, rumors has been flying around saying there was a third-party involved and everyone didn’t bat their eyelids because we all knew this shit was inevitable from the beggining but now some sources are saying that the third-party doesn’t involve anyone with a dick. Can’t quite get it? Okay let me tell it to you as subtle as possible. Christina Aguilera is a lesbian! Via Radar:
“The bodyguard told me it was an understanding within their marriage and that she brings girls home and Jordan’s okay with it,” the woman said.
“I met Christina in the bathroom and she told me she liked to play with girls. I ended up not pursuing anything with it because the situation just seemed so weird to me, but Christina was definitely looking to hook up.”
According to the source, Christina has been known to frequently approach women while out at gay bars in Los Angeles.”
Suddenly, Christina Aguilera just got ten times hotter to me! I always thought she was just an obnoxious ball of clown shit but it turns out she’s got some boner-inducing stuff goin’ on in her life. Somewhere, Lindsay Lohan is using her 5-minute free call from the rehab to ask Christina for a threesome with Sam Ro. Okay drop Sam Ro, the visual is ruining it for me.
The clown bitch known as Christina Aguilera’s tits filed divorce today from her producer/manager husband Jordan Bratman and cited irreconcilable differences as the main problem because, lets be real here, ‘got tired of humping the same hairy dick for five years is getting lame-o’ isn’t on the options. Via TMZ:
“According to the divorce docs, there is a prenup. The divorce petition asks that “Earnings and accumulations of [Aguilera] before marriage, during marriage and from and after the date of separation” be considered separate property. The petition also seeks to terminate Bratman’s ability to get spousal support.
Sources connected with the couple tell TMZ the marriage fell apart after Aguilera allegedly cheated on Bratman. Aguilera’s side refused comment.”
Ofcourse she cheated on him! Clown Town and Mr Hairy Mole are totally from opposite side of the world and the only way I’m guessing she’s finally filing for divorce is that the drugs wore off.
Another day, another divorce lawyer lands a job! Christina Aguilera’s tits has jumped out of the marriage train with Jordan Bratman despite being together for 5 years and having a 2-year old son named Max. A nosy bitch tells a magazine that Christina and Jordan still has hearts all over their eyes when they see each other but that it was more of a bestfriend thingy than romantic love. Riiiight. Via UsWeekly:
“They were very much in love,” explains the insider. “But over the last six months, it became clear they were more like friends than husband and wife.”The source adds that Aguilera even “ proposed their August trip to Italy to rekindle their relationship, but it didn’t help.
In their defense though, 5 years in celebrity marriages is like 20 years in real life. That’s your basic Hollywood marriage for you. Now that she’s available, maybe she would consider hooking up with a stylist this time, it could totally benefit her and her alter clown ego!
Wow, Lady Gaga is looking pretty sane in these pics! I don’t see the crazies in her eyes. What’s that you say? It’s not Lady Gaga? Then who—Christina Aguilera? Damn, she’s looking pretty rough these days…what’s up with her morphing into Lady Gaga and having the mentality of Katy Perry. Yuh! *sarcasm* Who knows she’s into girls too!
Out Magazine reports:
Not only did she find herself with Stripped, but Aguilera also knows herself and is not afraid to be open about it. Her upcoming album, Bionic, features the single “Not Myself Tonight,” which includes the line “I’m kissing all the boys and all the girls.” Aguilera explains, “I don’t get to kiss all the girls and the boys, but my husband knows that I get into girls. I think it’s fun to be open and play.”
Nevertheless, Aguilera knows what this girl wants. “I don’t think I could ever really be with a woman because that’s a lot of…” Aguilera pauses. “Yeah, there’s a lot of estrogen and I’m a lot to deal with when it’s that time of the month, so I can’t imagine it times two.” She then shakes her head and adds, “And you know, I love dick. To be honest, that I cannot live without.
Cut to Christina doing sexy times with her geeky husband. Ugh. Stop it right there and thank you for ruining my craving for a big fat…cake!