Date Posted: December 28, 2010 - 12:21 am by: Paris
Categories: Natalie Portman

If you used to jack off to Natalie Portman’s boobies ‘coz the thought of those supple perky breasts turn you on, then mark today as the death of your boner to that image because Natalie is not only engaged but pregnant! It’s an abomination! Via People:

“Natalie Portman and choreographer Benjamin Millepied are engaged and expecting their first child, her reps confirm to PEOPLE exclusively.

The couple met during the production of Black Swan. Portman’s performance in the film has earned her nominations for a Golden Globe and Screen Actors Guild Award.”

On second thoughts, lactating titties aren’t so bad after all. Think about it. So here’s to a start of a new fetish for us fellas! Good things to come!

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Date Posted: November 17, 2010 - 12:56 am by: Paris
Categories: Eva Longoria Parker

It’s been awhile we haven’t heard anything about Eva Longoria and it’s pretty sad it’s got to be news about her marriage life. Reports are saying the Desperate Housewife hottie is actually desperate in trying to avoid her husband Tony Parker because rumors have been circulating that they are both trying to get a divorce. Via E!:

“She was supposed to be one of the many celebs to appear at the taping of Anderson Cooper’s CNN Heroes of 2010 television special but she canceled over the weekend.

Could it have to do with husband Tony Parker and whispers that there’s trouble between them? A rep for the Desperate Housewives star declined to confirm or deny her CNN cancellation, asking that we send an email requesting comment. Asked if Eva and Tony have split, the rep remained mum.”

Well this only makes sense. If you guys remember, Eva divorced Tyler Christopher from General Hospital after their marriage of two years so we’re seeing a pattern here. Let’s hope it’s not because she cheated on him with their young, hot gardener.

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Date Posted: November 17, 2010 - 12:56 am by: Paris
Categories: Lindsay Lohan

Just shortly after Lindsay Lohan was seen hanging out with her dad Michael Lohan trying to rekindle their broken father-and-daughter bond, reports say Michael is back to getting in Lindsay’s hair. Some nosy sources close to the family is saying that Mr. Lohan showed up at Lindsay’s without calling first and instead of getting an arms-spread-wide welcome from her daughter, he got booted. Via TMZ:

Sources close to Lindsay tell us Michael showed up — unannounced — in the lobby of Lindsay’s apartment building moments ago. When security called Lilo — who’s only back in L.A. for the day — she told them to send Michael packing. We’re told Michael left without a fuss, but the damage is done — Lilo is upset Dad showed up on her doorstep. Someone in Michael’s camp claims he was just trying to bring her some Chinese food for dinner.

Maybe Lindsay just woke up and was wearing her morning face on, and knowing how much of a publicity-whore Michael is, she knew there was going to be cameras around so why risk it? Besides, who wants to see Lindsay without make-up on? Halloween was over 2 weeks ago!

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Date Posted: November 12, 2010 - 12:58 am by: Paris
Categories: Demi Lovato

So you all know Demi Lovato’s meltdown just a few days ago, right? Well there’s more to it, and this time it comes on video! Yep. Apparently, Demi Lovato was partying a week before she checked her ass in rehab and since we’re talking about a self-cutter with daddy issues who’s got a knack for the bad shit, she decided it would be the best time to dive nose-deep in coke. Lucky for us, someone videotaped the whole thing. That’s right, there’s a Demi Lovato coccaine hoovering tape! Via Radar:

“It is the video that will rock Disney and one of its biggest stars and if released publicly, will stun millions of fans around the world. In the footage, Lovato can be seen expertly hoovering the drug up her nose through a rolled up note, according to the amateur cameraman who captured the shameful images.”

Wow. At this rate, Demi Lovato is making Lindsay Lohan look so prim and proper. Now since we’re at the subject of leaked tapes, I’m just playing the waiting game for her naked video to come out. I’m sure some basement nerd has one in his basement somewhere.

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Date Posted: November 12, 2010 - 12:55 am by: Paris
Categories: Rachel Weisz

What with all the bad news going on right now, e.g. Miranda Kerr knocked up, Megan Fox getting hitched, it’s nice to know life isn’t so much of a bitch after all. The good news is, Rachel Weisz ass is back in on the market! The brunette bombshell from The Mummy and Constantine just separated after 9 fucking years! Geezus…I can’t even stand seeing the same chick after one night, let alone 9 years. Via TMZ:

“Reps for the former couple tell TMZ, “Rachel Weisz and Darren Aronofsky have been separated for some months. They remain close friends and are committed to raising their son together in NYC.” Sources tell us the couple will seek joint custody of their 4-year-old Henry Chance.”

I’ve always thought Rachel Weisz is one of the hottest things that ever walked Hollywood and I’m sticking by it. So Rachel, baby, if you’re hearing me…let’s give lust love a second chance. Also, I’d prefer you don’t make a mess leaving my mom’s basement in the morning. K thanks.

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Date Posted: November 11, 2010 - 2:10 am by: Paris
Categories: Demi Lovato

Apparently, Wilmer Valderrama’s chick scope isn’t limited to cokewhores and pussy flashers, he’s into Disney chicks too who checks themselves into rehab for coke and smashing a bitch’s face. Reports say that Wilmer is hitting Demi Lovato’s ass. Dayum, this guy is slick! Page Six reports:

“The two started seeing each other in May right after her breakup with Jonas,” a source on the tour said. “She would show us pictures of them together.” Another source said Valderrama has been a big part of Lovato’s life leading right up to her decision to seek treatment.

Okay I got to admit Wilmer Valderrama used to be my hero. Are you kidding me? A dude with a track record of humping under-aged starlets and not getting his ass to jail must make you a god. But seriously man, this is 2010 already and you’re 30. This is getting kinda creepy already.

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Date Posted: November 11, 2010 - 2:04 am by: Paris
Categories: Charlie Sheen

Charlie Sheen took a break from traumatizing a whore to fart out his innermost feelings to the public, telling everyone to give him a break ‘coz everyone has shitty nights once in a while. As for the whereabouts of his expensive watch which triggered his transformation to every hooker’s nightmare, it’s still in the missing watches list. Via Extra:

“If a guy has one bad night everybody goes insane and panics… I’m not panicking,” Sheen said.

Still missing his rare Patek Philippe 5970 watch worth $150,000 which he claims he lost the night of the incident, the actor didn’t seem to be too upset. “The way I look at it, if you have expensive tastes, you gotta be prepared for expensive losses.”

I’m not sure what this douche is trying to say but if ‘one bad night’ has it’s own dictionary, I doubt you fellas can find a picture of an aging madman trashing a hotel room in a hooker-and-coke fueled rage. Neither the picture of someone holding a knife to his wife’s froat on Chirstmas day. Just sayin’!

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Date Posted: November 9, 2010 - 1:04 am by: Paris
Categories: Katy Perry

The newly-married Californian popstar is reportedly turning down offers to go naked on magazine spreads, Playboy to be specific. Her close friends say that she’s just the cock-teaser type, enjoys playing it sexy but she’ll stop at that, ‘coz her goodies aren’t comin’ out anytime soon. Wow. Damn. All these cock teasing this annoying hoe has thrown our way is nothing but that, cockteasing! Via Radar:

“The newly-minted Mrs. Russell Brand confessed to British Cosmopolitan magazine that she enjoys playing the sexy card because “it’s fun and it’s definitely in my deck.”

She’s more a Dita Von Teese kind of girl, Katy says. “I won’t be doing a Playboy spread.”

Somebody sit Katy Perry’s ass infront of the tv and make her watch Dita Von Teese’s lesbian sex tape and maybe that might change her perception of what kind of stripper Dita Von Teese is. Besides, Katy Perry naked is a better view than seeing her in barbie whore clothes.

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Date Posted: November 9, 2010 - 12:57 am by: Paris
Categories: Christina Aguilera

Well it looks like Christina Aguilera is handling the divorce with Jordan Bratman pretty well because reports say that Christina and Nicole was spotted over the weekend on a double date with the Madden brothers at the Soho House. The said source went far as to tell us that both she and Benji have been hooking up a lot since the break-up for the steamy rebound sex. Via Hollywood Life:

“While it may just be a “sex thing” now, our source also claims Christina, 29, and Benji, 31, may be more than just a hookup.  “Benji has met Christina’s son and he even wanted her to move in with him. She said no, but not in a bad way.”

Woah woah woah, wait a minute! What about the Lindsay Lohan-Samantha Ronson threesome she kinda mentally promised us soon? Fine…maybe a swinger couple with the new crowd would do. What do you suggest fellas?

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Date Posted: November 9, 2010 - 12:52 am by: Paris
Categories: Vanessa Minnillo

Bad news today fellas. Vanessa Minnillo’s sweet knockers are engaged to Jessica Simpson’s ex-husband! Reports say Nick popped the question to Vanessa on a beach in California with an Asscher-cut diamond with baguettes from Bader & Garrin. Via People:

“On Thursday afternoon, Lachey took to Twitter to write, “Hey all. If anyone’s heard the rumors of my engagement, they are absolutely true! Vanessa and I couldn’t be happier. Thanks for all the love.”

“They are very happy,” the source adds. “They make each other happy.”

I’m not a genuis really but either Vanessa is marrying him for love or she has absolutely zero friends to tell her that she has lost her fuckin’ mind and that Nick Lachey is broke and has been living off the huge payout he got from his divorce. I think it’s only polite for Vanessa to send Jessica a basket of flowers and thank her for the lovely ring. Just sayin’!

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