With all these sob stories about Hollywood divorces, it’s time to move on to lighter, happier things, such as Jennifer Aniston’s punani. Apparently, a few lucky gardeners had the priviledge to take a peek at her gaping vajayjay when they came in to work earlier than their usual schedule. A naked Jennifer Aniston was doing her daily yoga routine when the gardeners spotted her in a revealing pretzel pose! Via National Enquirer:
“The Switch” star, never dreaming her lawn-keepers might switch their usual noon arrival time, arose bright and early to work her buff bod in the buff, said a source- even opening windows to the morning breeze. But just as she’d twisted her limbs up into one of yoga’s most physically-demanding poses, Jen suddenly spotted workmen staring wide-eyed as they walked past- and emitted a scream so frightening they ran and hid in the bushes.”
When I first heard of this story I lol’ed and then I WTF’ed. How can this be true? If this shit were real and she’s able to do all kinds of pretzel flexes and what not, then bitch wouldn’t be single for so many years now! My widowed grandma gets more peen than her in the nursing home just by doing thumb flexes in her wheel chair. Just sayin’!
I don’t know how the heck this happened but it did. Jennifer Aniston is the Most Eligible Woman in the world according to Vanity Fair poll. She beat Halle Berry’s hotness for the number one spot! Halle Fucking Berry. Alright who’s weiner has been given some TLC by this clingy psycho hoe? Via SF Chronicle:
“The former “Friends” star is currently living the life of a bachelorette after enjoying romances with singer John Mayer and actor Vince Vaughn, following her divorce from Brad Pitt in 2005.
And her single status has placed her ahead of Halle Berry in the new survey. Aniston garnered 29 percent of the votes; Berry was second with 21 percent.
Tiger Woods’ ex-wife Elin Nordegren, veteran “Golden Girls” star Betty White and Lady Gaga also made the top five.”
Wait a minute…Oh I get it…Betty White is in the Top 5? Lady Gaga too? Well why didn’t anyone tell me this poll was for 60-year old seniles and above? On a lighter perspective, atleast the vapid clown whore other known as Lady Gaga didn’t win. That would make me maul a baby kitten.
There’s no doubt that Jennifer Aniston has a type. She usually goes for either assholes, playahs and douchebags (e.g. John Mayer, Gerard Butler) and those types seem to like her back too. Her recent fling is Josh Hopkins who she met through Courtney Cox in the tv series Cougar Town and isn’t at all tight lipped about his whole feelings for Jen. Sources say that Josh is only interested in boinking Jennifer Aniston’s ass and nothing more. Via UsWeekly:
“Hopkins is “a player and is into meeting younger girls,” the insider adds. “He definitely lies to girls.” The actor (who romances Cox on the series) even has a raunchy nickname for Aniston, with whom he was spotted sharing a flirty meal at West Hollywood’s Madeo Sept. 2.
“Josh calls Jennifer his ‘sport f–k,’” a Hopkins pal tells Us, adding that the duo were simply “friends with benefits.”
Well simply put, Josh is just pussy-struck while Jen is dickmatized. Sounds like a couple made in heaven to me. While a lot of people pity this cougar hottie, I’d say she’s living the life! Why would you pity a 40 something chick who lives in a huge mansion with a shitload of money in the bank and who fucks whoever she like and doesn’t have to ask the guy to leave when she’s bored with him ‘coz they automatically do? Am I right or am I right?
That’s right. It’s pretty slow today so I figured Jennifer Aniston’s tits might help with things around here. That and the fact that John Fucking Mayer is rumored to possibly motorboating those puppies again. Sources say that Jen was spotted backstage to Douchebag Mayer’s concert-thingy in Atlanta and then sneaked off to a private party in his hotel room.
Jen was in work-out clothes and had a baseball cap pulled low over her face when she visited with John backstage after his performance, a source tells RadarOnline.com. “She looked gorgeous and seemed to be really enjoying herself. She and John laughed a lot.” Afterward, Jen and John and several people connected with his tour all went back to her hotel, The Ritz-Carlton, where he rented a private suite for an impromptu party.
While I think John Mayer is the biggest dick in the music industry figuratively speaking, you can’t stop a cougar from getting hers!
Okay, who here wants to see Jennifer Aniston naked? Because it’s her career on the line here, Jennifer Aniston decided to take things to a whole new sluttier level in her upcoming movie comedy, Wanderlust. Since her last few movies totally bombed at the box office, the brunette cougar is getting desperate to still stay on the spotlight so she’s doing full frontal this time!
That and uh, she smokes pot. That and she sleeps with every other guy. That and she does a threesome with two other women. Uh, yep. Reports say in this movie, she plays as a wild rebel who goes topless to stop a slew of bulldozers who smokes weed on the regular. That should be interesting. Hopefully the censor bar would be just above her neck.
Could this recent news about how Jennifer Aniston is promoting single mother-ness proof that she may be batting for the other team already? And by batting for the other team, we all know it means something about becoming a carpet muncher, right? Or is she now a bitter scorned woman who hates men. The brunette A-lister told in a recent interview that in today’s era, there are lots and lots of women realizing that they don’t need a permanent dick in their lives to have a child. You can ditch the motherfucker after that one night stand and who cares if you’re carrying his love child? Apparently, Jennifer Aniston doesn’t care and that’s what made Bill O’ Reilly put a stick in his ass and wants Jennifer to STFU. Last night on his show, Bill farted this shout out saying, “I want to be fair about this because there are millions of single mothers who do a great job with raising their kids. It’s possible, but it’s not optional. And that’s where Miss Aniston makes her mistake. She’s throwing a message out to 12-year-olds and 13-year-olds that, ‘Hey you don’t need a guy. You don’t need a dad,.’ That is destructive to our society.”, adding that men bring some kind of psychology to children that this society isn’t giving a real crap about.
Whatever, no one should take pointers from a 40 something year old single hoe who’s had her ass dumped a shitload of times and just recently chose to star in a movie where her role is a chick who’s having a love affair with a turkey baster and who probably talks to her Ken and Barbie collection at night pretending she’s Barbie and Ken is Brad Pitt. Bitch, please!
Jennifer Aniston can now stop crying herself to sleep every night, crying to her dolls that nobody wuvs her because apparently, somebody do love her. That person loves her truly to the point that he will use duct tape and brilliant insanity just to be with Jennifer Aniston’s ass.
According to the docs, Jason Peyton was found on July 15, “laying-in-wait in a location he believes she frequents with a ’sharp object, a bag, a roll of duct tape and written messages about [Aniston].” Aniston’s lawyer says in the docs … Peyton spent 8 days trying to find her and when he was taken into custody cops found carved messages in the paint of his car saying, “I LOVE YOU JENNIFER ANISTON.” According to the documents, obtained by TMZ, “Peyton is an obsessed, mentally ill and delusional stalker — with a history of violence and criminal stalking — who drove cross-country in his delusional ‘mission’ to locate and marry [Aniston], with whom he believes he is in a relationship.” After being arrested, the 24-year-old Peyton was placed on a 5150 psychiatric hold. He is still being held.
According to the restraining order, Peyton must stay 100 yards away from her home, places of work and vehicles. Peyton must also stay clear of her employees, agents, managers and other reps.
Really? Not Megan Fox or Kim Kardashian but Jennifer Aniston? Did the police try to look under Jason’s bed? They might find a time machine there. ‘Coz this dude is stalking Jennifer Aniston ten years too late.
Angelina Jolie can stop performing voodoo rituals on Jennifer Aniston to stay away from her man because Miss Crazy Town won’t be hounding him with calls in the middle of night for the meantime. Showbiz Spy is sticking their nose up her personal life and this time they’re saying that 30 rock actor Jason Sudeikis is the new Brad in her life.
Showbiz Spy reports:
Jen has apparently enjoyed a series of secret dates with Jason, who she met last year when they appeared in The Bounty Hunter together. During filming, Jen and Jason’s relationship was strictly platonic because Sudeikis was still married. However, now the actor is divorced and Jen’s helping him deal with the split, the pair have taken things to the next level.
Okay… and by next level, you mean Jen is already calling her wedding coordinators, right?