Since the news of Christina Aguilera and Jason Bratman divorce, rumors has been flying around saying there was a third-party involved and everyone didn’t bat their eyelids because we all knew this shit was inevitable from the beggining but now some sources are saying that the third-party doesn’t involve anyone with a dick. Can’t quite get it? Okay let me tell it to you as subtle as possible. Christina Aguilera is a lesbian! Via Radar:
“The bodyguard told me it was an understanding within their marriage and that she brings girls home and Jordan’s okay with it,” the woman said.
“I met Christina in the bathroom and she told me she liked to play with girls. I ended up not pursuing anything with it because the situation just seemed so weird to me, but Christina was definitely looking to hook up.”
According to the source, Christina has been known to frequently approach women while out at gay bars in Los Angeles.”
Suddenly, Christina Aguilera just got ten times hotter to me! I always thought she was just an obnoxious ball of clown shit but it turns out she’s got some boner-inducing stuff goin’ on in her life. Somewhere, Lindsay Lohan is using her 5-minute free call from the rehab to ask Christina for a threesome with Sam Ro. Okay drop Sam Ro, the visual is ruining it for me.
If you’re one of those fuckers who has a lot of free time on his hands then maybe this shit will interest you. As you know, the little ginger cokewhore Lindsay Lohan is brewing her ass in a rehab right now and based from these pictures, she looks like she fits in so well in the group. Do those people belong in the sex rehab building? Just making sure. Anwyay, let’s just pretend ayou’re one nosy bastard who cares about things of no value at all and take a peek at Lindsay’s daily schedule:
* 7 am wake up call
* 7:30 am breakfast (this consists of an omelet cooked to her liking or her choice of cereal, pancakes, fresh fruit)
* 8 am meditation followed by chores (chores are assigned during the first four days depending on Lindsay’s attitude)
* 9 am group therapy
* 11 am individual therapy
* 12 pm lunch
* 1 pm grief group
* 3 pm exercise (Lindsay can only work out in the gym or do water aerobics)
* 4 pm meeting
* 6 pm dinner
* 10 pm lights out
Wait, something is missing. Where did they squeeze in ‘steamy romp with the carpet munchers in the shower’? But I was told!
Now this is the news of the century we have all been waiting for. At first I thought well, given the past special treatment California Legal system has given to Lindsay Lohan, they’re probably going to hand her another ‘free fuck ups for another week’ coupon but whaddya know…there is justice! Because Judge Marsha along with the rest of the world has had enough of this cunty trainwreck’s antics, Lindsay Lohan’s ass is going to jail for 90 days!
Judge Marsha Revel sentenced LiLo after an incredulous prosecutor, Danette Meyers, told the judge that Lohan has been thumbing her nose at the court. The evidence was loud and clear today — Lindsay violated probation by failing to attend her alcohol ed classes based on the schedule set by the judge. There were lots of excuses, but ultimately they didn’t fly.
The judge said there was a pattern of violations since Lindsay was placed on probation in 2007 following her plea bargain in her DUI case. Lindsay broke down as she addressed the court, telling the judge, “I did the best I could.
This shit right here is the feel-good movie of the year and incidentally, Lindsay Lohan’s best onscreen performance. EVER.
Somebody print a pic of Judge Marsha and send it to DC Comics and Warner Bros and tell them to start filming ‘coz they are looking at this century’s Wonder Woman. Aw man…the last time I remembered being this excited was the time I was raped by a group of drunk circus midgets in an amusement park photobooth. Okay okay, maybe the second.
From a butchy taco to a skinny oyster, Lindsay Lohan has reportedly found another carpet muncher(the blonde chick above) that she can hook up with, break up with and stalk through hell and back.
New York Post reports:
Klinko said the pair are good for each other. “Lindsay and Indrani have been seeing each other since we shot her last fall,” he said. “I’ve seen them on dates, I have seen them making out . . . Indrani is a good influence on Lindsay. She is the opposite of a party girl — a Princeton graduate, she’s into art and is a philanthropist — not what you’d expect the typical girl for Lindsay to go out with. “When they are together, they talk about art and the deeper meaning in life.”
Why does this smell like raw lesbian publicity to me? Lindsay wants to talk about art and the deeper meaning in life? That’s the funniest thing I’ve heard all day! The only art Lindsay is probably trying to tell her new piece is how one time she went down on a chick in an art museum.