Because I haven’t posted any shit about Lindsay Lohan’s fuckeries for a day now, I’m sure you’re feeling the cold turkey by now. So let me be the one to give you your Lindsay fix today. Apparently, rehab isn’t helping the ginger cokewhore in any way because bitch is back to her old tricks. Reports are saying that Lindsay almost escaped the Betty Ford Clinic if it wasn’t for a rehab-mate who caught her clothes on the fence. Via Radar:
“Lindsay and her co-conspirator were forced to give it up and flag down a volunteer, who was crossing the center’s grounds on a golf cart,” a source, with knowlegde of the situation, told RadarOnline.com.
“The pair was safely returned, decaffeinated, to their hall, were they were the center of a process meeting over what they had done.”
Okay somebody should get their facts straight. I’m calling bs on this one. Lindsay Lohan resorted to getting an ccomplice for coke as opposed to giving someone a blowjay? Believe me, this rat will get her strawberry snortcake one way or another.
Ofcourse. It only makes sense that any screwed-up coke addict like Lindsay will blame their shit on the people who raised her, in this case Michael Fucking Lohan. The ginger skank is queefing out to everyone at the Betty Ford clinic that it’s because of her father’s abusive ways and dysfunctional family that she became a carpet-muncher, juvenile attention whore, aspiring pornstar, whatever she is today. Via TMZ:
Lindsay repeatedly talks about allegations Dina made in her divorce papers … that Michael abused her. Lindsay says she witnessed it firsthand, and it’s still tough to deal with. In particular, Lindsay claims she had to step in and protect her mother from Michael. Michael has denied allegations of physical abuse.
So let me get this straight, is Lindsay Lohan trying to hint that in order for her to get a healthy lifestyle and a coke-free, drama-free and jailcell-free life is if somebody puts Michael Lohan in a plane and give him instructions how to fly to the Bermuda triangle? No? Err…well I tried.
Well this is some random funny shit. This is the kind of Lindsay news we only should be hearing because the coke-humping, pussy peddling and jail hopping news are just so yesterday. The real news is right here: Iggy Pop wants Lindsay Lohan’s ass to portray him in an in-the-works movie about his life. Via Prefix:
“She looks like me, and she’s the only one with enough attitude too,” Pop told Triple J. “They could tape her boobs up or something. She’s been in jail at the right age and everything, so I though she could do it.”
Lindsay should start wondering why she’s being given these kind of roles. After playing Linda Lovelace, now it’s Iggy who thinks Lindsay is the right fit for the role. Would you even wonder why? She does the aging ex-addict so naturally.
If you’re one of those fuckers who has a lot of free time on his hands then maybe this shit will interest you. As you know, the little ginger cokewhore Lindsay Lohan is brewing her ass in a rehab right now and based from these pictures, she looks like she fits in so well in the group. Do those people belong in the sex rehab building? Just making sure. Anwyay, let’s just pretend ayou’re one nosy bastard who cares about things of no value at all and take a peek at Lindsay’s daily schedule:
* 7 am wake up call
* 7:30 am breakfast (this consists of an omelet cooked to her liking or her choice of cereal, pancakes, fresh fruit)
* 8 am meditation followed by chores (chores are assigned during the first four days depending on Lindsay’s attitude)
* 9 am group therapy
* 11 am individual therapy
* 12 pm lunch
* 1 pm grief group
* 3 pm exercise (Lindsay can only work out in the gym or do water aerobics)
* 4 pm meeting
* 6 pm dinner
* 10 pm lights out
Wait, something is missing. Where did they squeeze in ‘steamy romp with the carpet munchers in the shower’? But I was told!
Speaking of things that are useless and full of shit, some (obviously) deluded people close to Lindsay Lohan’s ass are saying she may have a personality disorder that’s why she keeps on doing things that are out of her character. Say whuuuut??! Via Chicago Times:
“Some of us had wondered if Lindsay was bipolar, given her mood swings, but I’m thinking it’s more than that,” said the source, who claims LiLo has on occasion called herself “Diane” or “Margot.”
According to the insider, Lohan has explained the odd behavior as her way of “getting into and out of character” as an actress — “pretending to be other people.”
The last time I hung out with Bi-polar, it wasn’t sniffing a pile of the white shit or wasn’t doing blowjobs in an empty lot or doesn’t have famewhoring parents…should I continue with the list? I have all day!
Lindsay Lohan must be really having a shitty hear because reports say that her movie “inferno” in which she played as Linda Lovelace might go straight to DVD. I mean, let’s be real here. IS anyone even surprised about this? Some sources say that a few key Hollywood players they really are not that interested in the movie amidst reports that the Linda Lovelace film will be moving to Los Angeles where the cokewhore is currently marinating her ass in rehab.
One source even went on to say, “No one cares about her, or frankly Lindsay either, at this point,” said a veteran studio bigshot. “You can sense that this will be a project that will go straight to video, even if it ever really is finished.”
At this rate, I’m not sure if anyone would still want their hands on that dvd if ever that suckfest doesn’t make it to the big screen. Maybe if they add a Lindsay Lohan blow-up doll to go along with it, I would but that’s just a suggestion. And a good one eh!
Now that Lindsay Lohan’s ass is back in rehab, back to pretending she’s all about getting her twisted, lies, booze and drugs-infested life back in shape, expect Michael Lohan to do what all loving fathers do to show that they care about their child, go to interviews and cry out to world that somebody is weighing in on his hard-earned money, if by hard-earned money, the money he’s going to squeeze out of Lindsay’s pocket. Michael L is afraid that his ex-wife Dina Lohan and Lou Taylor, who assisted in the conservatorship of Britney Spears under his father Jamie Spears back in 2008, are secretly making their way into a conservatorship victory against him. Michael farts out, “Lou and Dina are trying to throw Lindsay in a rehab right now and get her out of the picture so they can get a conservatorship without her knowing,” he told RadarOnline.com. He is convinced that Dina will control everything in Lindsay’s life, her projects, her ratio of coke fix every morning and her finances adding, ‘They would control literally everything Lindsay does, what projects she has coming up, her finances and the people she sees-and that includes keeping me out of her life.’
I sincerely don’t know what the whole fuss is about. It’s not like Lindsay’s life will miraculously change if the conservatorship will be under her father’s control. If it’s in the hands of a Lohan, consider her life a walking timebomb!
Ever wonder if Lindsay Lohan is the fucking devil? Turns out the last laugh again goes to this vapid cokewhore because apparently she is getting out of jail on a $300,000 bail. Judge Fox earlier ruled out Lindsay could be held in jail without bail but it changed later today due to California law, that states defendants has the right to bail in misdemeanor cases. Via TMZ:
“Judge Patricia Schnegg, Assistant Supervising Judge for the L.A. County Criminal Courts, just threw Judge Fox’s bail decision out the window. Judge Schnegg has set bail at $300,000. Lindsay, who is in Lynwood Jail right now, should get out soon … probably in a few hours.”
Allow me to say what everyone else is thinking: This trial is horseshit. That’s what you expect from a family of Lohan’s. To no one’s consolation though, Lindsay Lohan’s ass is forced to wear a SCRAM bracelet once again which doesn’t mean shit ‘coz America’s Legal system rocks!
Well it looks like Lindsay Lohan’s ass won’t be that broke anymore since bitch has got another unusual offer to star in a movie where people with balloon fetishes will jack off over her. I don’t know either. Via TMZ:
A rep for Clips4Sale.com tells TMZ they sent the offer to Lindsay’s lawyer — if LiLo comes in and pops a few balloons — on camera of course — she’ll leave $50,000 richer. No nudity. No whips. No chains. Confused? TMZ spoke to several balloon-popping enthusiasts who tell us the rush comes from “the feeling of fear associated with a balloon that may pop at any second.”
Interesting. Who knows, maybe her career will pick up from there. Dressing up as a clown and popping up balloons at children parties doesn’t sound too bad. I mean what are the chances for her to fuck that up too, right?