Well this is convenient for all of us. Lindsay Lohan’s douchebag dad Michael Lohan is farting out that he was attacked just outside his home in Santa Monica, CA an hour after he received a threatening phone call. He said he went out to buy some cigarettes when the attack took place. TMX has more of this shit:
Sources tell us … Mike explained to police when he went to open his car door, he was jumped from behind. We’re told the suspect, whom Michael says is in his 50s or 60s, began choking him and had some kind of sharp object which he used to slice Michael’s neck. Michael says the knife penetrated his skin and caused substantial bleeding.
Asked about the possible reason why the attacker did that, the fart bag said he thinks it has something to do with his plan to show up at Lindsay’s court hearing and the suspect didn’t want him there. I want to ride along with this fucker’s fuckery but I just can’t today, especially after hearing Lindsay Lohan’s ass dodged jail again. This family is a bunch of circus freak slash attention whores. I bet Michael L just accidentally cut his neck shaving this morning and while looking at the mirror, thought ‘Ofcourse! Why didn’t I think about this?’ and collaborated this fake assault story. But in the .03949 chance that I’m wrong, I hope they charge the assailant for not finishing this a-hole off.
Ofcourse. It only makes sense that any screwed-up coke addict like Lindsay will blame their shit on the people who raised her, in this case Michael Fucking Lohan. The ginger skank is queefing out to everyone at the Betty Ford clinic that it’s because of her father’s abusive ways and dysfunctional family that she became a carpet-muncher, juvenile attention whore, aspiring pornstar, whatever she is today. Via TMZ:
Lindsay repeatedly talks about allegations Dina made in her divorce papers … that Michael abused her. Lindsay says she witnessed it firsthand, and it’s still tough to deal with. In particular, Lindsay claims she had to step in and protect her mother from Michael. Michael has denied allegations of physical abuse.
So let me get this straight, is Lindsay Lohan trying to hint that in order for her to get a healthy lifestyle and a coke-free, drama-free and jailcell-free life is if somebody puts Michael Lohan in a plane and give him instructions how to fly to the Bermuda triangle? No? Err…well I tried.
Just days after Kate Major filed for physical assault from D-lister douchebag daddy of Lindsay Lohan, she’s got another lawsuit for him to wipe his ass on. This time, Michael Lohan has upped his asshole skills to the point of taking a stolen shot of Kate Major’s nekkidness while the latter was passed out on the bed. I never really wanted to see this.
“Michael Lohan is a disgusting human being and father. He took these pictures of me when I was asleep and without my knowledge. At the time he was my fiancé. I have just found out about these images today and moving forward my lawyer, William O’Conner, will be handing the legalities of anyone that reproduces them.”
Well I have to say I’m surprised that Jon Gosselin didn’t think of this first when these two twats were still an item. Much as I’m aware that Kate would hump anything for fame, I doubt this was the angle she wanted for her spotlight debut. Lohan is a sick man, a con and needs to be beside Lindsay. It would be endearing to see a father and a daughter sharing this bond—in freakin jail.
With the Mel Gibson news flying around like the bitches in heat at an underground rave party, Michael Lohan felt like this was his cue to hop back in the relevancy train(like he was in it before) by following the fad because his fiancée Kate IfuckCelebrityDouchebagsForFame Major is farting out that the famewhore father of Lindsay Lohan physically assaulted her during an argument and has dental records to prove it.
We’re told Kate Major claims … on Monday at around 2 PM, just before Michael flew to L.A. for Lindsay Lohan’s hearing, they began arguing and Michael allegedly shoved her over a chair, injuring her shoulder.
Sources say Major claims while she was on the ground Michael kicked her in the face.
We contacted Michael, who told TMZ he got in an argument with Kate on Monday over their upcoming TV show, but he didn’t touch her and she’s making it all up.
These two fuckwits probably wanted to be the Jersey Shore version of Mel Gibson and Oksana. Well since M. Lohan has a history of kicking his ex-girlfriend’s punani in rage, am I supposed to expect a pic of a boot mark on Kate’s crotch area too?
For the second time in a row, Lindsay Lohan’s Hollywood home got robbed. Little Miss Trouble came home to her burglarized home, with her walls ripped, and her accessories stolen. Now, her famewhore parents Michael and Dina Lohan are the ones who are blabbing about this incident to the press. Pretty sure, the robber must be quite disappointed with what they stole, because I don’t think there are too many valuables in Lindsay’s house except for her Disney-career memorabilia. Just saying.