When Lindsay Lohan isn’t secretly carpet munching someone in rehab, she’s partying and getting secretly drunk and assaulting people. Noooo way??? Lindsay would never do that! And now the popos are sniffing on Lindsay Lohan’s ass trying to solve the mystery of the Lohan assault. Ya know, for formality’s sake. Via TMZ:
“Lohan is a suspect in a criminal battery investigation and the alleged victim — a staff member at Betty Ford — wants Lindsay prosecuted … this according to law enforcement sources. The Palm Desert Police Department is now investigating an altercation that occurred after Lindsay and her roommates reportedly went to a bar and came back home. Upon arriving at the house, the incident with a female staffer from Betty Ford allegedly went down. The police received a call at 1:03 AM on December 12 for “hand-to-hand battery.”
You know what, if I was Lindsay I’d totally milk money out of this publicity. I’d have cameras follow me around and do a reality show. ‘Coz seriously, Firecrotch Lohan creates more drama than any soap opera ever made. She could just be herself being a famewhore and every day is another dolla!
After Jessica Alba’s pregnant tits, here’s another celebitch throwing her awesome goodies in the internet for horny motherfuckers like us to drool and fap off to. You may remember this chick from the movie House Bunny and The 40-year old virgin but now we know what we’ll remember her for.
Seriously…dayumm! Take a good look at her funbags for a minute and you’ll remember it for life. You can spot those Kat Denning’s tits in a dark room or at a crowded market place in India and if we’re lucky, on my 30th birthday party in my mom’s basement.
Okay I have to say when I wished for some Jessica Alba leaked topless pics, I wasn’t expecting said wish would come in this state, since I’m not really a fan of lactating bitches but this is Jessica fucking Alba so I’ll take what I can get.
Apparently, some sources are saying these leaked naked pics were taken when she was in the first trimester of her pregnancy that she sent to husband Cash Warren. Wow, can you imagine waking up to a woman this hot, even with a belly bump? Cash, buddy, I salute you. And by salute, I meant jacking off over your wife.
Ahhh…finally! After a long time, we get to see another celebrity leaked naked pics! This time, it’s not your regular celebwhore, it’s Zooey Deschanel! If you’re a cheesy motherfucker like me who likes sappy movies, you’ll remember her from 500 days of Summer as the chick who fucked that guy from Inception and dumped him to move on to another dick.
I always wondered what she looked like topless, but looks like we got something even better! These are the alleged screenshots from her naked video which she sent to a boyfriend ten years back. Christmas came early this year fellas! Fap away over these Zooey Deschanel naked pics!
Because hanging out with nerdy chicks with wands is getting kinda boring, Daniel Radcliffe has jumped on his broom and flew to greener pastures, with hotter chicks who know their way around a different kind of broom, in Broadway! Now that the young British actor is single, expect him to stick his meat rod in any chick willing to spread her legs infront of him because he’s either a stud in her eyes or she’s fulfilling some kind of childhood sex fantasy on wizards. Via Dazed & Confused:
“I’ve been in relationships from the age of 14 and now I’m single. I said to a friend the other day, ‘Dude, I’m doing a show with dancers. I’ve got to be single.’
“He was like, ‘Don’t sleep with anyone in your own show. That’s a mistake.’ It’s good advice. But I’m not sure I’ll stick to it.”
Well no shit, if you got the name and face for it why the hell be single. ‘Ya know? But wait a minute…was it girls he was talking about?
Since it looks like the Karissa Shannon and Heidi Montag sextape won’t ever see the light of day, the smokin’ hot blonde Playboy Playmate pulled another fame card out of her punani. This time, Vivid is saying that there’s a Karissa Shannon sextape and it’s the most extreme thing everrrrrrrrrrrr.
Vivid Entertainment has their hands on the Karissa tape she made with boyfriend Sam Jones III. When we caught up with Vivid honcho Steven Hirsch outside STK last night, he told us the Karissa tape was “definitely the most extreme video that I’ve ever seen, as a celebrity tape. There’s everything you can imagine — whips, chains, handcuffs. It’s absolutely crazy.”
Well, not so fast there sport. Reports are saying Karissa is talking to her lawyers and is trying to block the release of the tape. Shauna Sand did it. Kendra Wilson did it. Ofcourse this bitch is doing it too. You know, since it’s the SOP.
Now that everybody’s favorite ginger juvenile trainwreck’s ass is outta rehab and is just lurking in the midst, reports say that she wants to revive her broken down career and she’s doing it with the help of two people who played a big role in trying to revive Britney Spears’ career namely Lou Taylor and Brit’s manager, Larry Rudolph.
A source says Lou has been taking care of Lindsay’s fashion deals including the one with Marc Ecko and another deal with a Russian fashion company. I don’t know who’s the most stupid one among the two ‘good samaritans’. Anyone who works with this gingerwhore was probably not loved in his or her childhood and is looking for the shittiest way possible for bankruptcy. I mean the only time we hear about Britney Spears is when she turns into Clitney Spears on her gone-commando days. Anyway, here’s Lindsay Lohan doing step 1 to Britney Spears transformation: #1 You are to walk the hoe stroll without ever wearing a bra.
Well here’s something to make your day. If you hate the asian leprechaun whore that is Tila Tequila, then sit around and read on because I got some food for the soul for you guys. Tila Tequila’s tits attended The Gathering of The Juggaloos yesterday, and Tila being Tila performed onstage topless. You’d think these Juggaloos would be entertained to see a gremlin with a rack double the size of her face but instead of throwing whistles and cheers, the crowd went apeshit and became a mob of violent gremlin haters, attacking her with huge rocks and fire crackers and, well, human poo even. Why not?
Tila told TMZ a PVO detail of what happened saying that before she evn got onstage, the Juggaloos were hauling huge stone rocks in her face, practically making it sound like she’s the second coming of Magdalene, except that Magdalene probably had more class that this vapid whore. She also went on to queef that the mob was trying to kill her and threw firecrackers in her face adding, “they almost got me so they finally reach the trailor, blood all over myself, cant stop bleeding, then all of a sudden, all 2 thousand people surround the trailor and busts the windows!!! Even the guys INSIDE with me were shaking! Their hands were shaking cuz they were so scared! So 3 guys inside the trailor had to grab a table and push it over the broken windows and grabbed all the chairs they could find so hold the people from outside back. It was scary as hell!” Geezus…you’d know your singing talent sucks balls when even Juggaloos want to silence the shit out of you.
It’s a slow boring day today and it just makes sense that I post an equally boring post. Miranda Kerr and Orlando MiranBloom has gotten married over the weekend to who the heck cares where and now the two is currently bumping privates on their honeymoon.
“David Jones very graciously released me during this period so we could celebrate an intimate ceremony and honeymoon together,” Kerr’s statement says. “I’m very much a part of the David Jones Family and I am very committed to my role. I am enormously grateful to David Jones to have been given this time to enjoy such a special moment in my life.”
Geeze…you’d find more life in an empty milk carton than that announcement. All I can say is fuck you Orlando Bloom! Now everytime I see Miranda Kerr lingerie pics I can’t help but think that you got your filthy elf paws all over her body. Lucky bastard…
Just days after Kate Major filed for physical assault from D-lister douchebag daddy of Lindsay Lohan, she’s got another lawsuit for him to wipe his ass on. This time, Michael Lohan has upped his asshole skills to the point of taking a stolen shot of Kate Major’s nekkidness while the latter was passed out on the bed. I never really wanted to see this.
“Michael Lohan is a disgusting human being and father. He took these pictures of me when I was asleep and without my knowledge. At the time he was my fiancé. I have just found out about these images today and moving forward my lawyer, William O’Conner, will be handing the legalities of anyone that reproduces them.”
Well I have to say I’m surprised that Jon Gosselin didn’t think of this first when these two twats were still an item. Much as I’m aware that Kate would hump anything for fame, I doubt this was the angle she wanted for her spotlight debut. Lohan is a sick man, a con and needs to be beside Lindsay. It would be endearing to see a father and a daughter sharing this bond—in freakin jail.