Date Posted: October 11, 2010 - 12:53 am by: Paris
Categories: Paris Hilton

Paris Hilton has found her little minion and apparently, she’s already in the works in training her to be just like her when she grows up, in other words, a whore. Which leads me to wonder, where in the world is this poor girl’s mother? I mean what kind of parent would surrender her child to this vapid praying mantis. Via Radar:

“I have a new BFF… and we spend time with Shae, who is seven-years-old, every weekend in Las Vegas. Shae is so smart and we love spending time together,” Paris told RadarOnline.com. “We go shopping, I take her to the pet store and to the arcade. We take her to the Circus Circus amusement park. We do normal things.”

Please. All this little girl will learn from Paris is how to get a DUI or how to make a sextape. Somebody save her!

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Date Posted: October 8, 2010 - 1:43 am by: Paris
Categories: Paris Hilton

Paris Hilton got tired of torturing miniature animals and is now taking out her crazy on a human being, who happens to be her recent boyfriend’s seven-year old daughter Shea. Some really nosy mofos are saying Paris is pretending to be the little girl’s stand-in mother since Cy is fulfilling his parenting duties and trying to fit in the two in his sched. Via Radar:

“It’s been my dream to have four babies by 30,” the heiress, 29, said a few years ago.

And Hilton thinks she’s highly qualified for motherhood, explaining, “I look after animals, so I’d have a lot to give my kids.”

Okay I don’t want to ruin the party but I’m looking at Paris Hilton’s history here and if I were this Cy guy I would child-proof my own house. Well actually fuck that, it’s Paris Hilton’s pussy that needs to be child-proof ‘coz we don’t want her to breed.

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Date Posted: September 30, 2010 - 12:59 am by: Paris
Categories: Paris Hilton

Don’t be surprised if Hallmark increases their prices on their greeting cards in the following months, thanks to Paris Hilton’s weepy ass! Hallmark just pain a shit ton of money to settle their lawsuit with the socialite cunt. Paris sued them over a greeting card about her that shows a featured scene from her old reality show, “The Simple Life” where she’s sketched as a waitress with the caption “Paris’s First Day as a Waitress” along with her trademark blonde bimbo expression “That’s hot.”

Well you know what this means for this cuntwhore. Bonus money for a miniature dog to have it customized to match her Yves Saint Laurent handbag! Meanwhile, thanks for free e-cards online, I can still send my cousin Billy a ‘dont worry it’s just Herpes” card with this bitch’s face on it.

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Date Posted: September 27, 2010 - 4:04 am by: Paris
Dayum! Two Lindsay Lohan posts in a day. I’m pretty sure there’s a side-effect to posting too much fuckery in one day. Anyfirecrotchway, these Lindsay Lohan heroin pictures have been circling around the web and reports say this happened back in 2007. It shows the ginger whore playing with a syringe and doing slutty poses infront of the camera.
That’s not all, who else would always be in attendance when it comes to  celebrity scandal but Paris Hilton. Seen in these thumbs is Parasite making out with Lindsay, an actual photographic evidence of a new upcoming strain of STD we all should watch out for!
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Date Posted: September 23, 2010 - 1:32 am by: Paris
Categories: Paris Hilton

Nobody wants Paris Hilton, not even the place she claims is her second home–Japan. Reports say that Paris fluttered her mantis wings to fly to Japan on a ‘business trip’ but got held up by authorities as soon as she got off the plane.

Paris’ rep tells TMZ, “Paris Hilton was delayed by immigration authorities at a Japanese airport this evening after arriving for business obligations planned many months earlier. Paris was contractually bound to her business trip and didn’t want to let down her brands and many Asian fans.”

I’m really curious as to what this ‘business trip’ of hers is all about. Unless it’s a Bukkake movie with her as the star, I’d say throw her to the wilderness with her dildo for comfort.

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Date Posted: September 21, 2010 - 12:38 am by: Paris
Categories: Paris Hilton

Because Paris Hilton’s tits are more hypnotic than Lindsay Lohan’s, she won’t be getting thrown in the chokey for her arrest in Vegas just a few weeks back. If you follow this bitch closelt, you may remember that incident where she was caught carrying a small amount of coccaine in her purse in which her response was ofcourse, “it’s a setup!”. AP has more of this shit:

“Clark County District Attorney David Roger  says the celebrity socialite has agreed to plead guilty Monday to drug possession and obstructing an officer in Las Vegas Justice Court under the terms of a plea deal worked out with prosecutors after her Aug. 27 arrest.”

So basically , the judge told Hilton that she’s on a 1-yr unsupervised probation and ontop of that, to complete a drug abuse program. If Wonky Eyes violates any of this shit and gets arrested for anything unless it’s a minor traffic violation, she will be reunited with the insides of a jail cell for a whole year. Yeah I don’t think she’ll be doing time for this anytime soon, since Billionaire Barbie will let the Benjamins do the talking for her.

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Date Posted: September 13, 2010 - 1:54 am by: Paris
Categories: Paris Hilton
Take it from Paris Hilton to show you the right way to hide your drugs and not get caught by airport security. Apparently, Paris is the fuckin’ Houdini now and not as dumb as we thought. I wonder if I can get my gir lfriend to do this shit too but I mean, it might not work out since her snatch isn’t really a big storage room like Paris Hilton’s pussy! According to the new tell-all book by former Girls Gone Wild cameraman Ryan Simkin, ‘Hilton was leaving for Europe,’ and that he brought  her a little Camel cigarette box packed with cocaine and ecstasy.
“I asked if she was flying private, and she said, ‘No, commercial.’ And then as politely as I could, I asked her how she planned on traveling with that amount of blow and X,” Simkin writes in the book. “She held the box in her right hand, and then with an underhand swoop like a lower case J, she demonstrated exactly how she intended to beat airport security. She even whistled as she did it. A little alley-oop with the Camel Box, straight up her snatch. Classic.
So that’s how she got way past those drug-sniffing dogs. No self-respecting  dog would alow itself to have a whiff of this skeletal cokeslut’s mangy rotten punani! Now that Simkin has ratted out her trick, the next time the airport security should search is her asshole, that’s the second largest landfill next to her coochie.
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Date Posted: August 30, 2010 - 1:06 am by: Paris
Categories: Paris Hilton

Since everyone(and by everyone, I mean those ginger-loving sick fucks who gets off by seeing freckled juvenile carpet munchers) have been talking about Lindsay Lohan and her misdaventures in the jailward, Paris Hilton’s tits thought it was time to up her game to get her foot back in the fame door by all means, and she did it with the help of her new boyfriend, nightclub tycoon Cy Waits.

Reports say the two got thrown in the chokey in Las Vegas the other night when the popos caught a whiff of what smelled like marijuana coming out of the window of her boyfriend’s Escalade, and when they checked her purse—surprise!—a small bag of the powdery shit was found in her bag. The two assholes were detained for a few hours in Clark Country Detention Center on suspicion of cocaine possession but was later released without bail. Meanwhile, Parasite Hilton hired Vegas lawyer David Chernoff  who released a statement that says, “Paris Hilton was released this morning on her own recognizance. This matter will be dealt with in the courts not in the media and I encourage people not to rush to judgment until all of the facts have been dealt with in a court of law. There will be no interviews and no more comments at this time.” So relax fellas, the interviews will be after Paris has crawled from under his desk.

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Date Posted: August 27, 2010 - 1:00 am by: Paris
Categories: Paris Hilton

Well, bummer. Apparently, this twiggy vapid whore will live to be 30. According to reports, a few days ago, a 40-year old guy listened to the voices in his head and decided to pay Paris Hilton a visit and brought his two friends aka two big freakin big knives to do the dirty work but was a big epic fail after the security alarm in Hilton’s residence notified the police. Cops say they arrested the man around 6:30 in the morning and was hauled off to a local jail. Ofcourse, like any other attention whore, the first thing Paris did was tweeted the incident saying, “So Scary, just got woken up to a guy trying to break into my house holding 2 big knifes [sic]. Cops are here arresting him”.

Paris told the LAPD that she was awakened by the sound of banging on her windows and the barking of the dogs. Above is the attached pic Paris included in her tweet showing cops at her home. How Wolverine got past the gates is still a mystery. But $20 says the security guards let him in. Whaddya say?!

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Date Posted: July 29, 2010 - 2:49 am by: Paris
Categories: Paris Hilton

Well this is some interesting shit. The VD-carrying mantis known as Paris Hilton has stooped down to a new low. And I mean that in the literal sense too. Apparently, the celebwhore has a sugar daddy–a Malaysian filthy rich businessman who goes by the name Take Jho Low.

Mr. Paparazzi reports:

After her escapades the other day, we thought that Paris Hilton had already had more champagne poured all over her than one person could possibly handle in a lifetime – but apparently not so.

During a night in St.Tropez earlier this week the socialite’s uber rich pal Taek Jho Low – who she’s recently been travelling with – spent a whopping 3.5 million Euros on buying gigantic bottles of Crystal for Paris and her champagne guzzling friends – which they then promptly poured all over themselves. Obviously (why, what else are you supposed to do with it?)

Apparently the Malaysian tycoon decided to splash out on the ridiculous lavish gift for the reality star after the socialite had come face-to-face with her ex Doug Reindhart who was in the same club as them. According to club revellers Doug tried to compete with Jho Lo by buying four gigantic bottles of Crystal but that was no match for the Malaysian businessman who then went onto buy the club’s entire supply of bubbly.

Jeezus. $5 million dollar of booze for a downpayment to get a taste of Parasite Hilton’s crusty crustacean? This sick bastard. On the other hand, he’s asian so he’s probably used to the smell and taste of raw, rotten fish.

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