Date Posted: October 2, 2010 - 12:53 am by: Paris
Categories: Heidi Montag

Because Twit and Twat thinks everybody is stupid enough to fall into their fakery, they announced to everyone that they will no longer push through with the divorce. Heidi Montag’s tits figured they needed someone to rub baby oil in it when days get too dry and Spencer Twat is the only one willing. Via TMZ:

“As we previously reported, Heidi called off her divorce from Spencer — and as a symbol of their (unfortunately) undying love, Speidi fed each other s’mores that they’d cooked over an inferno of legal docs.

Heidi tells TMZ she was waiting for Spencer to make her his top priority: “All I ever wanted was to know that Spencer loved me more than he loved all this other nonsense.”

Spencer then went out of his way to the bookstore and consulted a Hallmark card and replied, “Through everything it’s been Heidi’s love that kept me grounded. Realizing my behavior was pushing her away was a terrifying wake-up call. I’ve still got a long way to go to repair the trust, but I hope with continued self improvement, our relationship will be stronger than ever.” How fucking touching. Wake me up when these two finally fake their deaths.

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Date Posted: September 16, 2010 - 1:18 am by: Paris
Categories: Heidi Montag

Now for more famewhoring and douchebaggery news, some people are accusing Twit and Twat for using the Avon Walk for Breast Cancer they attended last Sunday for the free publicity and photo-op. NOOOO WAY???

Spencer contacted us with more details. He claims he and Heidi, “Accidentally happened upon the event, and immediately asked how we could participate. We would’ve loved to walk, but unfortunately Heidi’s surgeries prevented that.” Instead, Spencer says they bought “gear” to donate to the cause. Spencer also corrected his rep’s statement — saying it’s not a friend who had breast cancer … he says, “My nana is in the hospital battling cancer right now — so it’s a cause that’s extremely personal to me.” Spencer says it’s offensive for anyone to suggest this was just a “photo opportunity.” -Superficial

So let me get this straight, Heidi Montag’s tits can’t stand walking in a park but she can bounce around and in the ocean ’til her huge honkers are churning butter from the silicon? Get the fuck out.

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Date Posted: August 26, 2010 - 1:11 am by: Paris

Wank all you can over Heidi Montag’s tits because those puppies already have a deadline. Human Blow-Up Doll is on the cover of Life &Style and has even managed to take out a weiner from her mouth to talk about a few things about everything fake, i.e. her whole fuckin’ life! She said in the interview that she had no idea her naked bits were being recorded when she and Spencer Twat were having fuck times, adding ‘I’m mortified at the thought that people could be looking at me naked before I had the surgery.’

Proceeding to confess about fakeness, she said that she was desperate to go back to her old self, the one who hasn’t been raped by a scalpel on a surgeon’s table, and to make her monster tits a little smaller, since painkillers aren’t doing shit. Heidi also told Life & Style that she can’t do normal activities saying, “I’m obsessed with fitness but it’s impossible to work out with these boobs. It’s heartbreaking. I can’t live an everyday life.” Well like practically everything that’s comin’ out of her mouth, I think this one’s bullshit. Deuxma has bigger power jugs than her and that bitch can take three wieners between her tits while doing sommersaults. ‘Nuff said. Now about that sextape…

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Date Posted: August 23, 2010 - 12:35 am by: Paris

I guess after a long break, Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt has had enough time to come up with another outrageous plan for famewhoring overkill only this time there’s nothing outrageous about it. I mean c’mon now, Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt sextape? Color me fuckin’ DUH! That’s the grand finale everyone’s expecting from these two shitheads.

Just like their planned fake relationship, fake wedding and fake divorce, Twit and Twat has orchestrated the release of their sextape to Vivid honcho Steve Hirsch telling TMZ that he ‘just got off the phone with Spencer Pratt about a sex tape with Heidi Montag.’ Steve adds, “We are in early negotiations to possibly come to terms for a deal.” Now since we’re talking about the topic of outrageous, Spencer Twat is telling people that their sextape will make Kim Kardashian look like an amateur. Is this butt nugget implying there would be more than just peeing? Well dayum, this better top Two Girls and a Cup ‘coz I’m already having a debate with myself on whether on not it’s worth the risk looking at Spencer’s dick to see Heidi Montag in all her naked plastic glory–being a port-o-potty!

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Date Posted: August 3, 2010 - 1:51 am by: Paris

It was just last week that reports claim that a nosy bitch farted to the media how she saw Spencer Pratt hanging out at Heidi Montag’s house, and today People is saying that Heidi is divorcing Mc Creepster, leaving him with probably no money, no career and no one to drive a buttplug to his ass. Which means, I now have a 90% chance to stalk Heidi Montag without a  curly-blonde bearded psycho wearing a G.I. Joe costume  jumping out of the bushes to cut me in half with a plastic toy axe.

Anypaidbeard, People are reporting that Heidi’s petition for separation has been amended by her and she has filed for dissolution of marriage from Pratt and he basically agreed. In a last ditch effort to save his ego, Curly Psycho took to his Twitter to state the obvious. So color me fucking DUH.

@mtv I got served with divorce papers? I thought that preacher at the wedding was one of the actors like my paid friends and family & exWIFE
@mtv This whole time I have really been married? I thought we did that for ratings?

Okay I got two things. One, somebody needs to literally dickslap this turdbrain, give him a rope and a step by step and two, where do WE file a divorce from these two fame-humping mongrels? Wait wait! Okay. Heidi Montag and her rack can stay I guess but only if she’s got an accessory in her mouth. An accessory called a duct tape.

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Date Posted: August 1, 2010 - 1:48 am by: Paris

It looks like Twit and Twat are still up to their old tricks and scheming for the another fuckery to pull out next because to no one’s surprise, Spencer Pratt was seen hiding in Heidi Montag’s tits, err I mean house despite each other’s statements that they have already separated.

Via RadarOnline:

“I saw Spencer, he seems really normal. He actually showed us his new project he’s working on,” Stone told RadarOnline.com. “He showed us a clip of the movie. I thought it was really funny. I think it’s about a lifeguard that’s trying to get girls. And the lifeguard is kinda of like a douche-bag type of guy, not too cool.”

Stone, who watched the clip with both Heidi and Spencer, says she has no idea if a reconciliation between the two are in the works but “she didn’t even know they were going through a divorce” based on their hanging out session.

Jeezus, these two vermins just won’t quit will they? While Heidi Montag is the dumbest, most annoying hoe in town, shamefully I won’t kick her ass out of bed. Spencer, on the other hand, is some children of the corn shit who will only be silenced using a can of gasoline and a matchstick.

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Date Posted: June 18, 2010 - 2:29 am by: Paris

Because these two fuckwits will come up with any kind of fuckery to make money, Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt are apparently selling a made-believe story on adultery on any magazine who’s stupid enough to take the bait.

NY Post reports:

Spencer Pratt and Heidi Montag won’t let anything get in the way of their quest for fame — not even reality. They’ve been pushing their split by trying to sell a made-up story that Heidi may be cheating with Spencer’s close pal, Marine-turned-bodyguard Cougar Zank. A source told us, “Heidi and Spencer are try ing to play out a fake reality show in the press and get paid along the way. They’ve been approaching magazines and Web sites to buy the fake story of Zank having an affair with Heidi. They’ve been asking for $100,000. But no one is interested as they don’t sell magazines.” A rep for Pratt and Montag didn’t get back to us.

The way these two twats think really baffles me to the core. I doubt Heidi’s the one playing the role of the bad guy. It would be more believable if they came out with the story on how Spencer left Heidi for the marine dude then maybe the only way they can probably make a few bucks from this crap is if they try and sell a gay sex tape to Brokeback.com.

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Date Posted: June 9, 2010 - 2:18 am by: Paris

Because they practically believe  that everybody rode in on their long-played fakery, Twit and Twat decided that it was finally time to pull out the”not quite yet” card before the big “joke’s on you foo!” card by filing for separation.

TMZ reports:

TMZ has learned Heidi Montag just showed up at the Santa Monica Courthouse and officially filed for legal separation from Spencer Pratt. She lists irreconcilable differences as the reason for separation.

Heidi did not file divorce papers. The legal significance of legal separation is that her earnings will become her separate property from the date of separation. Heidi lists the date of separation as today, June 8.

To hell with it, my mind was forcefucked with these two’s fuckery for far too long now, and I’ve put up with it. But don’t tell me crap about how this attention whore has such earnings because I just can’t keep a straight face with that. The only earning she might have is Spencer Twatt’s crystal pube beard.

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Date Posted: June 5, 2010 - 2:38 am by: Paris
Categories: Heidi Montag

No way??? Get outta here!

Because some nosy bitches are being assholes, specifically Heidi Montag’s sister, she’s telling everybody what we already know: The Heidi and Spencer Pratt split is just a part of Heidi’s new show for publicity stunt. Awww…but why does she have to be such a spoiler!

PopEater reports:

Getting through the “marriage stuff” should make for great TV, especially when Pratt shows up to repair their relationship. [There are also reports that Pratt's production company is producing the show. But Montag’s sister, Holly, isn’t buying it. “If anyone has come to expect anything from those two is that they are the Liars,” she wrote on Twitter over the weekend.

Yawn. Wake me up when their 15 minutes is over or if the show has a new twist that involves Twit and Twat’s set getting bombed by the Al Qaeda. Yes, douchebaggery travels as far as the Middle East. In this case, this might be the last time we see Heidi Montag's ass. I swear we can see more raw emotion on her ass than her plastic face.

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Date Posted: June 4, 2010 - 2:14 am by: Paris

Well holy flying cow! At first I thought these staged shots of a pube-faced douche pretending he has the gods on his side while running from an invisible force in the jungle was some rejected scenes from the movie Tropic Thunder. Apparently, it’s something better.

This is actually Heidi Montag’s fake-estranged husband Spencer Twat Pratt thinking he’s G.I. Joe jumping tiny streams, flying-kicking jungle mosquitoes and making sure he’s got the right time by wearing two watches, one on each wrists. Man…he is so hardcore! Now where do we sign up this little fucker to Iraq?

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